Dancing With the Stars

A Turkey Story

A Turkey Story

Once you kill the turkey, you don't get to like, relax and maybe drink a beer while watching "The Daily Show" and hours later be like, “Oh shit I never put that away” like you do after coming home from Whole Foods.

You have to move on the dead turkey situation. One can't sit around and think to oneself “I killed that animal, why did I kill that animal” all night pensively. The turkey is gonna go bad in the trunk of your car if you linger.

Four years ago, with the trunk of my Buick open at dusk, trunk liner splattered in blood, my cousin and I were just a few dangling cigarettes away from a perfect...