Scratch 'n' Sniff Product Reviews

In the following gallery, your intrepid City Paper staff offers reviews that, if you scratch hard enough, are as fragrant as they are flagrant, and super-helpful too! And just as we believe that you can't really review alcohol until it has given you a hangover, we don't believe you can review weed until you have wigged out. So we basically tried to OD on each of the varieties here, rather randomly sampled on the grounds of easy availability. We wanted to be able to reliably inform you, newly liberated Baltimoreans, about just what happens if you smoke too much of any of these varieties of high-powered weed. So, you should really look at the balance between Euphoria and Existential Dread, each of which range from 0-10. If they are even--5 Euphoria and 5 Existential Dread, say--then you are doing great, because the dread actually only heightens the euphoria. But if the dread is much higher, whoa, watch out, Nelly, and hang onto your chair. We mainly only reviewed buds, and we missed out on many varieties. People talk about the richness of the art and the music scene, but damn, the weed scene is just as diverse! Once you start asking around, everybody's got a guy and everybody's guy has got different shit. But there is even more talk than there is weed. We have heard a lot of rumors about hash, hash oil, hash wax--much of which is used in vaporizers--but, as of press time, we only came across some once, and not in a situation where we could review it. We did find one batch of butter commercially available and we tried it. We will say that it is the only thing which, to use a term of stoner art, knocked our dick in the dirt. We avoided schwaggy shit because, given that you can only have less than 10 grams, you want each of your grams to have the most THC possible. But the good stuff is expensive: Everything we reviewed ran exactly $60/eighth.
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