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Get Drunk During the Holidays Without Your Family Noticing

Ah, the holidays, that time of year when many of us are trapped into spending long stretches of time with members of our extended families. If you're lucky, you might actually enjoy spending time with your family and use the phrase “loved ones” unironically, but if not, the idea of spending time with your family, with whom the only thing you have in common is genes, might be enough to make you want start drinking immediately. A bit of day-drinking might be exactly what you need to get you through the holidays. The trick is to get enough of a buzz to make the inevitable arguments between your uncles a little more bearable, without getting sloppy enough for your family to notice and accuse you of having a drinking problem. A few tips: Make your morning coffee an Irish one by slipping some whiskey, brown sugar, and cream into it when nobody else is looking (just don't pour too much whiskey in, lest the smell give you away). If you're going to be cooking part of the big family meal that day, find a recipe that requires booze—a bourbon pecan pie, perhaps—and, as you're baking, sneak sips of the booze when you're alone in the kitchen. That should hold you over until early evening, when it becomes socially acceptable to bust out some beers or a bottle of wine right as the family prepares for dinner. At that point, feel free to go all out. (Anna Walsh)

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