A stoner's guide to the nation's capital

City Paper

After you get legally high at your friend’s house in the district, what else is good to do? Our art team spent much of the day visiting the museums, which is always a great way to spend a day, but there’s a lot more that might help you while away your day (and money—D.C. remains more expensive than Baltimore at pretty much every turn) across the district line.

Stop at whatever bar is closest to your pal’s house, order a beer (be prepared to pay $6.50), and pick up the Washington City Paper (or, hey, it’s the 21st century, check it out online before you go at washingtoncitypaper.com). We were both founded by Russ Smith, but we aren’t in any way affiliated these days‚ except insofar as we are both members of the Association of Alternative Newsmedia—but its staffers are great folks and it is a great paper and it will tell you what’s happening at any given time you happen to be in the district.

We love bookstores, especially when we’re high. You could stop by Politics & Prose (5015 Connecticut Ave. NW, [202] 364-1919, politics-prose.com), browse around, and then play some pingpong, drink some beer, and eat some pizza next door at Comet Ping Pong (5037 Connecticut Ave. NW, [202] 364-0404, cometpingpong.com). Or, if you’re near Dupont Circle, you can sit outside and people-watch, hit up numerous bars and restaurants, and still stop by Kramerbooks & Afterwords Cafe & Grill (1517 Connecticut Ave. NW, [202] 387-1400) which also has good food and beer (we got ramen and a crab, tomato, and avocado salad and a D.C. Brau).

We used to spend a lot of time in D.C., but we’re not even going to pretend to know anything about the food scene. I mean, hell, every time we go down to 14th Street, it’s pretty much unrecognizably different than it was the last time. But we did spend a recent afternoon eating barbecue and drinking beer at Garden District (1801 14th St. NW, gardendistrictdc.com) which had great pulled pork and pretty much only has beer-garden seating, so it is perfect for some heady people-watching. And, appropriately, Amsterdam Falafelshop (multiple locations, falafelshop.com) has introduced a weed pairing menu that offers suggestions on what type of sandwich to eat after you smoke.

The Eastern Market (225 7th St. SE, easternmarket-dc.org) which was rebuilt in 2009 after a fire, is a smaller, gentler version of Lexington Market, with much more fresh food and fewer stalls offering prepared items. But if you get there before 2:30 p.m., you can have a great lunch at Market Lunch. If you are too late, step across the street to Tunnicliff’s Tavern (222 7th St. SE, [202] 544-5680) for a bite and brew—it has great outdoor seating.

If you can stand the tourists, it’s cherry blossom season and we can attest that the fluttering of their feathery flowers as the wind blows them to the ground offers alliteration-inspiring moments akin to Zen koans.

Finally, legal weed is even more reason to catch a band at the Black Cat (1811 14th St. NW, [202] 667-4490, blackcatdc.com), the 9:30 Club (815 V St. NW, [202] 265-0930, 930.com), or any of the city’s other numerous musical venues.

But really, it is our job to know Baltimore and we are rank amateurs when it comes to what D.C. has to offer. Still, we kind of love the city and it offers an interesting perspective on our own. So instead of being snipey like the editors at b (the bro-y rag also owned, as are we, by the Baltimore Sun Media Group), who break their backs to come up with 100 stupid reasons Baltimore is better than D.C., give up the grudge and go check it out. Because, whatever else you can say about either city, their citizens now have certain freedoms that are denied to us. Even if they don’t have congressional representation. 

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