Mr. Wrong By Joe MacLeod

Mr. Wrong: Drive-in Movies Rule

Before the Summer really does slip away from us all and we slide inexorably into the Icy Death of Winter, I urge you, as a U.S. American, to eat a Snoball, to go to the Beach, and to go to the Drive-In Movies, specifically the Bengies Drive-In Theatre, at 3417 Eastern Blvd. in beautiful Middle River, MD. Seriously, you need to go to the Drive-In Movies! It doesn't matter what's playing! It's a giant screen! It's Movies! Snacks! Outside! America! Let's go!

The Bengies is one of my fave places in the whole wide world, man, it is like, a National Monument to The Movies, when you're there in the evening it's like being inside a giant dome, a leviathan space terrarium like they had in the Major Motion Picture "Silent Running," that you exist inside of for the purpose of enjoying Life and Movies and Snacks, and it has, and I quote, the "biggest theatre screen in the USA with a perfect aspect ratio," which is just a dip of the toe into the ocean that is the highly specific and exacting mind of Mr. D. Edward Vogel, the guy who owns and runs the Bengies, and the guy who makes live announcements before, during, and after each evening's entertainment, kinda the way Colonel Kurtz did announcements in the Major Motion Picture "Apocalypse Now," which is to say in a continuous Stream of Consciousness, with all thoughts reflecting back to The Bengies.

Mr. Vogel writes THE RULES for attending The Bengies. You can bring your pet to The Bengies, you can even bring your children. You can bring your own food in if you pay a little extra for a permit, all you gotta do is read THE RULES. They will set you free to enjoy your Drive-In Movies experience in an atmosphere of complete relaxation, comfortable in the knowledge you are in adherence to THE RULES. Here is an excerpt of THE RULES from the bengies.com Web site. "Excerpt" means there are more parts to THE RULES and you should not consider yourself thoroughly checked out on THE RULES until you read all of THE RULES, OK?

Violation of any rule WILL RESULT in expulsion without refund.

RETAIN YOUR TICKETS. Do NOT discard stubs! There are no refunds, but they are proof of entry.

If you leave the theatre, YOU MUST PAY TO RE-ENTER.

The SPEED LIMIT is 5MPH, NO WARNINGS!!

You MUST be in control of your Vehicle lights. If you cannot extinguish the light, you must cover it, and not remove cover until you are at the exit gate. (We recommend that you bring some brown paper or newspaper and masking tape and carefully covering your lights before entering - please remember to remove the covering before you exit the theatre making sure that you are facing away from the giant screen when you are doing so). There may also be instructions on turning off your daytime running lights in your car's operating manual. We admit the vehicle at the box office only if the vehicle's headlights and daytime running lights are out (use parking lights only). If these lights come on ANYTIME AFTER ENTRY YOU MUST COVER THE LIGHTS.

VANS, TRUCKS, HIGHTOPS & MPV'S must park in designated areas, or ramp 10, or even numbered rows BEHIND 10, DEPENDING ON WHAT IS OPEN.

Lift gates & doors CAN NOT BE RAISED higher than the top clearance of the vehicle.

Do Not Place Anything on top of your vehicle INCLUDING People.

If you are enjoying the show outdoors please be courteous to other patrons and sit between the vehicle and the screen, Not beside it. (stay within your space)

Each vehicle is entitled to one space. Please park CLOSE enough to a post to allow for another vehicle.

Please Be CONSIDERATE of patrons who came to enjoy the show. Do NOT raise voices, radios, and cell phones to distract or annoy other patrons. Be Mindful that all glowing devices are a distraction if you are using them without care.

ALCOHOLIC Beverages are NOT PERMITTED on the premises.

SHOES & Shirts MUST BE WORN AT ALL TIMES BY ALL PERSONS. NO EXCEPTIONS. Do NOT carry shoeless children.

Obscene language or profanity WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.

NO RUNNING. Go with the kids when they leave the car!

The PLAYGROUND is CLOSED when the show begins.

Outside food and beverages are restricted from the premises. We will offer this option: You must purchase a permit to bring outside food &/or beverage at the box office BEFORE YOU ENTER the theatre. As per conditions of the permit, You may not share food or drink with persons who came in other vehicles. PLEASE NOTE: The cost of the OUTSIDE FOOD AND BEVERAGE PERMIT is $10.00.

Do not EVER sound your horn. Flash your lights only when asked to do so. Never put a light of any sort onto the screen.

LASER POINTERS ARE FORBIDDEN anywhere in this theatre!!!

CARBON MONOXIDE is POISON. Do NOT leave your car engine running.

You May not Cook, Grill, or in any way prepare food on the premises.

NEVER Approach the Box Office on foot. Go to a Manager or our Field Crew.

DO NOT SET the alarm system in your vehicle. If it sets automatically, you MUST disable the system. It disturbs the show & other patrons if it goes off.

No Smoking in or within 15 Feet of the building. Smokers, Please have common courtesy for all patrons. Beware of your smoke troubling others.

Bringing a PET requires adhering to special rules.

Common Sense prevails. (i.e. No Fireworks)

OK, like I said, make sure you go check out the complete THE RULES before you head out to The Bengies, and if you really want the Ultimate Experience, make plans to attend the next "Dusk to Dawn" night, Saturday & Sunday, Sept. 5 and 6 where you can watch movies until the sun comes up! It doesn't matter what's playing! ?

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