It doesn’t matter what Blowfly’s given name is—you can go look it up on the internet. It doesn’t matter if he has had a so-called “legitimate” career in music, writing and producing hit songs and getting hosed by life in the process—go watch the documentary “The Weird World of Blowfly” for all that back story and, well, sadness. The lewd, soulful song parodist (start with ‘My Baby Keeps Farting In My Face‘ and ‘Shitting On the Dock of the Bay’ off his 1973 debut) is old, funky, dirty, nasty, and returning to Baltimore Thursday, Aug. 7, at 8 p.m. at the Metro Gallery along with Lazlo Lee & The Motherless Children, Slow Jerks, and everybody’s favorite, “More TBA.”
Official Blowfly management suggested we conduct an email interview, on account of “the fly is a little deaf,” but, undaunted by logic, we pressed on and reached Blowfly via the most monumentally horrible telephone speakerphone connection we have ever Q&A’d to, and we apologize for the lapses in the transcription, and we don’t apologize for the lapses in transcription, and if you want any clarifications, go see the show, get his email address, and ask him yourself. In this “Q&A,” all “Qs” have been removed, because what’s the point. Important note and/or trigger Warning: Blowfly is filthy. (Joe Macleod)
Blowfly: His name is Joe, but the bitches call him ho, it takes a ho to make your jizz explode, you like to eat ‘em out down on the floor, this broad’ll turn you on, but I tell you who Joe used his tongue on. [Falsetto chorus] Who’d he use his tongue on?—Joe use his tongue on Whoopi Goldberg [unintelligible] holler [unintelligible]. Joe just cross his arm and said “Lord let us pray.” What’s up Joe?
BF: And if that made you sick, what did he do with his dick? Joe used his dick on Fidel Castro’s [unintelligible] hole, Bin Laden’s [unintelligible], shot his big bang in the right nutsack, and Michael Jackson’s little-boy action. You’re more disgusting than I am, Joe. Your phone recording this?
BF: Well then let me get this one across, Joe. Michael Jackson’s spirit come to me, and he told me you ain’t treating your woman right, sexually. And Michael said this what you’re gonna have to do to please her. [Michael Jackson falsetto to the tune of ‘Beat It’] Her pussy’s ready, can’t you tell, just enough to make you want to ring her bell, it’s really not too bad once you get past the smell, and eat it. Get those drawers down and eat it, let me tell you how to treat it, Joe. It doesn’t matter if it’s a rotten smellin’ tush, it doesn’t matter if [unintelligible], just eat it. [Low voice] OK, Michael, Joe says he’s gonna eat it [laughs].
BF: Joe, it started in Cochran, Georgia, when I was a little boy, about 4, 5 years old. The whites said, if you were black you were supposed to listen to B.B. King, and all that stuff. I’m no more than 5 years old, and I liked a hillbilly song, and I did—to mess with the whites—to piss ‘em off. [Sings] I’m jerkin’ my dick over you. I keep tellin’ myself it ain’t true, I jerked it so much [unintelligible] blue, jerkin’ my dick over you. [Stops singing] The song was ‘I’m Walking the Floor Over You.’ I changed it, and they liked it, the thing, the whites. The blacks and the whites they’re makin’ about three or four dollars a day in the [unintelligible], and I’d go home with about two hundred dollars, and my grandmother, [Grandmother voice] “Where’d you get this from?” and I couldn’t tell her, just looked at her, and she went to hit me, hard. The people seen me, “why you beatin’ on junior? [Grandmother voice] “Because of all this money,” and they’re, “sure we gave it to him,” [Grandmother voice] “Why?” I wish you wouldn’t’ve told her why, and she said, [Grandmother voice] “you a disgrace to the black race, you should know more, you a disgrace to the human race, and you ain’t no better than a blowfly.” What the fuck is a blowfly? [unintelligible] I went outside to cry, and [unintelligible] she ain’t never seen me cry, she seen me whupped and never cry. She said, “well junior, when comets struck the earth, and killed all the dinosaurs, and prehistoric animals,” she said, “human life didn’t come along, but blowflies came along and laid eggs in ‘em, like that.”
BF: I can’t wait to come to Baltimore. Your mother still livin’?
BF: You people of Baltimore, I want you all to know something, what makes me different from the rest of ’em, the good people of Baltimore [to the tune of R. Kelly’s ‘I Believe I can Fly’] I believe my dick can fly, I believe my balls can testify, thinkin’ about it makes my dick wanna [unintelligible], the ass of the President’s wife, Michelle Obama, I believe my dick can fly-yy, Baltimore people, I’ll tell you why, it would make my dick the dick of the century, [unintelligible] the ass of Oprah Winfrey, I believe my dick can fly, shoot come way up in the sky, it would make my dick super hard, buried deep in the angels up with God, I believe my dick can fly. Now ain’t that nice, I didn’t write this, that sugar lips, did this, this thing that I’m doin’ that Joe got it, that Joe devil is the one wrote this people, thank you.
BF: And you tell all the fine chicks up there, I’m gonna do ‘Burnin’ Pussy,’ and their pussies gonna cry when I do it.
BF: Can’t wait to see you when I get out there. You got any nieces or girls?
BF: Tell ’em one of ’em gonna be Miss Hofly on stage, she gonna do the “Burnin’ Pussy.”
BF: Call me whenever you want, I’ll talk to you later.
CP: Thank you, sir.