City Paper Weed Issue 2015 Product Reviews: Blue Skywalker

City Paper

A hybrid strain of the universally loved Blue Dream, True Skywalker, and, apparently, Blue Skywalker-derived hash, Blue Skywalker is bonkers. Its buds are soft and fluffy to feel like you plucked a lil cloud right off the screen of “Super Mario Bros. 2” and held it in your hands, and there’s a menthol-like taste it leaves in your mouth with a slight, numbing quality. Within moments, I could feel an intense pulsation around the outline of my body and light rumble in my head (like my skull had one of those baking-soda volcanoes in it where my brain should be) and then I became painfully aware of the outline of my eye sockets and my jaw and my teeth and that I am bones, and then, at its peak, it felt like I was underwater, as if I had just dipped my head right below the water in a pool or in the tub. But then it seemed to have a more intense peak, and my face was being pulled on from each side, the way you’d grab the jowls of cute dog, and it felt great. But then there was another peak and I don’t even know, man. My friend was eating this fancy muffin and the way it looked on the table, the muffin cup unwrapped and the muffin itself broken up into little pieces, made me think it looked like a corn tortilla with rice and veggies in it and I couldn’t figure out where the hell they got this taco. Time went by at a normal speed, but I felt like I was going slow. This is a long high. Because there is something wrong with me, I smoked even more and it had the stirrings of something dark, like a single hit of DMT that just gives you a glimpse or some other, totally different way of seeing everything, but just a glimpse. I laughed way too hard when I read someone who tweeted, “Please, Dad is my father’s name. Call me Daddy.” I ordered a black baseball cap from American Apparel for $35. And I don’t really wear baseball caps. Stay in for this one. Invite some friends over, and have a convivial freak-out. 

Strength: 9

Nose: A bit of citrus, kind of like a health food store or a clean barn

Euphoria: 6

Existential Dread: 9

Freaking Out When Crazy Person Approaches You: 9

Drink Pairing: Water, no booze

Music Pairing: Link Wray, “Link Wray” or The Whatnauts, “Whatnauts on the Rocks”

Rating: 7

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