533 S. Rose St., haystackmobile.com
Who hasn’t, while searching in vain for a parking space in a congested and trendy area, thought to oneself, “How I do wish that my higher socio-economic status and superior purchasing power could privilege me in this situation, as it does in so many others?” And now, courtesy of the general public—and algorithms—it can! Get the Haystack app, search for the space, and pay a premium to the person who occupies the space right now, that they might hold it for you. Oh, the critics will howl, won’t they? Oh how they will bleat about “the public weal,” “The Commons,” and the sacred principle of equality and equal access to public amenities. Let them bleat. They are fucking losers. You, Haystack, are a winner.