This guy’s been needing this ever since he decided to run for president of the United States a decade ago, but he was never really relevant enough to merit it, until now. That’s because he’s running for an office he might actually be able to win: 5th District Councilman in Anne Arundel County. Fortunately, once he won the primary and became a bona fide prospect for victory, his story has made the rounds so voters can be informed about what he is: a secessionist paleoconservative who thinks the South should have won the Civil War; that God’s law, as he sees it, should supplant the actual laws of the land; and that the Judeo-Christian creation myth is a scientific reality. Well, here’s a quick slap on the side of the head for you, Mr. Peroutka, and if you turn the other cheek, here’s another one. It’s what Jesus would do, hoping to wake you from your terrible, terrible dream of a white-run, Bible-ruled world.