Best Cubist Monument

City Paper

699 N. Charles St.

Even if Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole, as Jonathan Richman has it, he certainly was one. But still, he was nowhere near as big a prick as George Washington, the father of our country, and a man who harvested teeth from his slaves to put in his own disgusting head. So, we should take this chance to change the Washington Monument to a monument to the importance of cubism in art history and the history of the world and keep the scaffolding up, not just until the renovations are done, but permanently—except for the Lighting of the Monument, when we can unveil it and let George Washington stand in full glory amid the rocket’s red glare. The construction has already rid Mount Vernon of all those other pesky festivals, anyway, so we might as well keep it.

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