Best Reason to Leave Baltimore

Look, we're not here to bag Denver, CO; Austin, TX; Minneapolis, MN; Bethesda, MD; Oakland, CA; Philadelphia, PA; Forth Worth, TX; Chicago, IL; San Antonio, TX; New York, NY; San Francisco, CA; Orange County, CA (which, excuse us, is a county, not a city?); Boston, MA; San Diego, CA; Seattle, WA; Dallas, TX; Los Angeles, CA; Washington, D.C.; or the No. 1 Coolest City in America, according to some goofball with a map and a dart at Forbes, Houston, TX; but really Forbes, thanks but no thanks for your awarding us the No. 14 slot (and a picture of the Inner Harbor, wow, killer research there, Forbes, more like SNOREbes. And again, Orange County is a county). Stuff like "Recreation Index: 98"-what the hell does that even mean? Like, you rode on the water taxi 98 times? Do you know how many annoying people are gonna move to Baltimore now because of this? Lists like this are why we're moving to Montana. And cancel our subscription to Forbes that we don't have.

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