City Paper's Top Halloween Costumes of 2015

Despite the liberal media’s incessant War on Halloween, law-and-order-venerating Americans everywhere (yes, even from such far-off exotic locales as Guam, Puerto Rico, or the Dakotas) have continued to celebrate this sanctified and only slightly modified pagan harvest festival with gusto, moxie, and unbridled and sort of chilling enthusiasm. Each year we gut pumpkins, force our animals to wear approximations of tiny human clothes, and revel in our abilities to ask strangers for free candy and, if necessary, judge them for their subpar taste in said candy. The most stressful and vexing aspect of this great American tradition is figuring out a dang thing to wear! You can’t just be Batman or a Supreme Court Justice or the Joker every year. But don’t fret needlessly or in public, because we can help. Using carefully curated data from millions of internet searches and private email exchanges, we’ve determined the most popular (and safest) Halloween costumes of 2015. Enjoy!

  • Frankenstein (Doctor)
  • Joe Flacco But Dressed as a Pirate With No Friends
  • Snow
  • Person Who Likes Music, Just Not Rap and Country
  • Natty Boh, Mrs. Natty Boh, and the Utz Girl Moments After an Underwhelming Threesome
  • Sexy Bernie Sanders Eating a Bucket Full of Arby’s Original Roast Beef Sandwiches
  • Guy Who Doesn’t Even Own A Television, Actually He Does, But It's Just Sort of There
  • Inspectah Deck as a Pretty Subtle Vampire
  • Park Bench Claiming Baltimore is Greatest City in America Sending Drunk Sexts
  • Sexy Nurse on a 16-Hour Shift
  • Pharmaceutical Dirtbag Who Represents Raw Unencumbered Capitalism Throwing a Fit Like a Baby
  • Sort-of-Sexy Concealed Firearm
  • Crowd Protesting New Star Wars Movie Because Only a Mere 99 Percent of the Cast is White
  • A Five-String Bass Used for Only One Song
  • A Druid on a Hill
  • Godot
  • Twice-Divorced Spiderman
  • Metal Mondays at the Ottobar
  • A Person with Old Bay in Their Eyes
  • Stinkum, the Lovely Fellow from "The Wire" Who Looks Like Kevin Garnett
  • Ghost (Patrick Swayze)
  • The Oriole Bird Wearing Jorts
  • Sexy Bee Frantically Preparing for Imminent Hornet Invasion
  • Straight-Edge Pinocchio
  • ”Zombie” by the Cranberries
  • A Meme Only You Remember
  • Guy Who Can Only Be Bothered to Wear his Old Mask from "Scream" and a Hard Rock Cafe Shirt
  • Christian Slater Googling Himself and Frowning
  • SpongeBob SquarePants with Donald Trump Hair for No Reason
  • Grim Reaper at a Job Interview Being Asked, “What Would You Say Your Biggest Weakness Is?”
  • Stephen Curry
  • A Celtic-Rock Band Playing in an Irish Pub Not Knowing Any of the Irish Songs You're Requesting
  • Sassy Guillotine
  • Pikachu That Speaks Esperanto
  • A Lobster in a Pot of Boiling Water, Dying Painfully so You Can Show Off Your Refined Taste
  • A School for Ants
  • Waluigi
  • The Wizard of Oz, but Ripped, Just Insanely Big Biceps, Like Damn How Did He Get So Swole
  • A Steve Jobs Biopic
  • Your Regular Clothes but with Bugs and Stuff Crawling All Over You
  • Mummy Who Insists the Civil War had Nothing to do With Slavery
  • An Undertaker. Not the Professional Wrestler. Just a Normal Person Doing a Depressing Job
  • A Rowhouse That Shouldn’t Have Mixed Its Liquors the Night Before
  • YouTube Comment Section
  • Sexy SuperPAC
  • Full Communism
  • Mother Who Will Be Damned if She Lets Her Kids Dress Up Like Goddamn Minions Again
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