Eating Cheese With a Fork: On the witchy powers of locally made Gunpowder Blue

Some cheese makes a quiet companion, an easy comfort. And then others call the shots—which is why I unwrapped my new wedge of Gunpowder Blue ($23.59 per pound) as soon as I left the Cross Street Market and plopped down at the nearest Federal Hill bus stop. Its calling was too strong; there was no time for crackers, a knife—not even a fork. Luckily, the cheese's fudgey density allows for on-the-go munching, as long as you can give it your full attention. It will slay your mouth.

The cheese expert at Cheese Galore and More informed me that Gunpowder Blue is made with pasteurized milk and vegetable rennet in Wisconsin before it is cave-aged in Baltimore at a small distributor, The Great Cheese, near St. Agnes Hospital. So, we can kind of boast this as a Baltimore native, and we should: It packs Baltimore's punch, its simultaneous sweetness and ferocity. This is a beautiful, blue-veined queen dressed in a full, velvet coat of black ash—"gunpowder"—a cheese for people who maintain polished, clawlike fingernails and find empowerment in witchcraft.

In fact, this cheese is witchcraft—dark, immense power in just a bite, as dangerous as it is intoxicating. Like a forbidden fruit, it bursts with bold, sour juiciness and the wisdom of its ancient craft. Gunpowder has the force to overthrow the Kraftriarchy and reclaim this land.

I want to say, don't you dare dress your burger or salad with Gunpowder Blue, and that it's so delicious that it's only fit to be eaten by itself, but honestly, this would make any burger fucking amazing. Like really, does anyone have a hot burger they could drop off for me at the City Paper office? I need to test this, now. I will reimburse with cheese.

On a slightly separate note, I recently discovered this cheese-soulmate-finder quiz created by a fellow cheese blogger at CHEESE | SEX | DEATH, and I can say that this is a quiz that actually means something. I will not say what answer I received, but I will say that I consider it to be accurate and that, yes, your celebrity crush and favorite curse word are very pertinent to determining your best-suited fromage pairing.

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