Product Reviews

Blackberry Kush

A definite body high that hits you first with a wave of tiredness, like easing down into a tub. But if you get yourself past the first slump-down it has a nice and lively mental effect that feels downright bawdy. So go for a walk and come back and instead of watching Cheech and Chong movies, you should read Apuleius—in the Elizabethan English translation—or Francois Villon or A.J. Liebling. And Blackberry Kush has been known to inspire Lieblingian feats of gustatory prowess. In other words, you’ll get the munchies to fuck. Even me, who never gets the munchies. I recommend a couple bowls of this shit followed by a few dozen oysters bellied up to a bar at Faidley’s in the afternoon or the Local Oyster at night and slurp some liquor and stare at the light as it glances off the bar. (Baynard Woods)

Strength: 7

Nose: A complex mix of yerba mate, toasted tobacco, and essence of rare geranium seeds from Afghanistan with a touch of sassafrass.

Euphoria: 9

Existential Dread: 4

Freaking Out When Crazy Person Approaches You: 1

Drink Pairing: Old Oriole Ball Park (or National Bohemian)

Music Pairing: Benjamin Clementine, ‘Winston Churchhill’s Boy’

Rating: 6

 

Blueberry Northern Lights x Granddaddy Purp

This is the perfect example of where we’re at with weed culture at the moment, a hybrid of a hybrid of a hybrid. But in this case, it really works. I’m generally more into the heady sativas but this combo comes in just right like the first note of Miles’ trumpet on “Kind of Blue,” a bit slow and dragged out but still sharp as a dab nail. (BW)

Strength: 9

Nose: A heady mixture of apricots in the morning with a touch of cool granite sprinkled with sweat from wine-colored hangover sex.

Euphoria: 8

Existential Dread: 5

Freaking Out When Crazy Person Approaches You: 2

Drink Pairing: Double Duckpin

Music Pairing: Scroll Downers, ‘Find The Stone’

Rating: 8

 

Boy Scout Cookie

Because dudes are forever acting like embattled ding-dongs, they even had to go and compete with a notable weed strain with a gendered name. So yeppers, now there is a follow-up (though ultimately, subservient) strain to the much-loved Girl Scout Cookies called Boy Scout Cookie. Typically, it does all the things Girl Scout Cookies does just not as well: fuzzy feelings bump into pseudo-profound pleasantries. It's apt to make you just kind of fall asleep—not even nod off but just have you shutting down like HAL-9000 at the end of "2001: A Space Odyssey." A benefit is that it won't make you hungry, even though it is the kind of weed that encourages boredom which usually encourages eating. (Brandon Soderberg)

Strength: 7

Nose: Pine but like car air freshener pine

Euphoria: 8

Existential Dread: 4

Freaking Out When Crazy Person Approaches You: 5

Drink Pairing: Cheap red wine

Music Pairing: Curse, "Curse"

Rating: 5

 

Girl Scout Cookies

This very, very famous hybrid of OG Kush, Durban Poison (and if you ask some know-it-alls, a few others) is a bit overrated, though it's far more fulfilling than its dude-brah companion Boy Scout Cookie. It's a kind of collage of highs, which means if you're not feeling it, just wait and the right, different wave of sensory stoned-ness slinks over and grabs you soon enough. At its best, it's a painkiller-y high and at its worst, it makes you confused, like can't find your keys for an hour but oh there they were in the bathroom sink the whole time for some reason or like, what was the thing they're supposed to be cooking on "Cutthroat Kitchen" I forgot, but yo, whatever they're making looks really fucking good. Speaking of food—Girl Scout Cookies is ideal for edibles, especially in small, stretched out bites where you can better control this hybrid's chaos. (BS)

Strength: 8

Nose: Just about to rot fruit

Euphoria: 7

Existential Dread: 7

Freaking Out When Crazy Person Approaches You: 7

Drink Pairing: A stout of some kind, you pick

Music Pairing: Wume, "Maintain"

Rating: 7

 

Grapefruit Diesel

The Grapefruit Diesel hits you almost like an edible. It wasn’t the lazy, sleep-zonked kind of body high but rather an almost Xanax-like sense of mellow body chill. One time, when I was a kid and my mom was expressing her disappointment with my drug use, she said, “And I’ve seen my own son so high he could chill out in a war.” That’s what this feels like. And for that matter, it’s what our whole country has been doing ever since she said that right around the time we first invaded Iraq in 1991. Damn, that’s a bummer. Better have another hit of that shit before I get too depressed. (BW)

Strength: 8

Nose: Neither grapefruit nor diesel

Euphoria: 7

Existential Dread: 1

Freaking Out When Crazy Person Approaches You: 1

Drink Pairing: Monument 51 Rye

Music Pairing: Todd Marcus live at Homeslyce with a jazz jam session where you might have a young kid on the sax beside rocker Brad Gunson on the slide trombone and Marcus on the bass clarinet. Perfect groove.

Rating: 7

 

Huckleberry

Huckleberry makes you want to stretch out and lie down and in general, kind of act like a cat. And if you want to be alone in your thoughts, it's very conducive to that: When you focus on an idea or just stay quiet, it seems as though the whole world's stopping all around you, just for you to get your shit together. It can leave you a bit heavy-lidded and soggy-faced if you allow it, but also very talkative if you're feeling up to that. And not just conversational but compassionate and involved and even confessional. Malleable, empathetic weed. (BS) 

Strength: 8

Nose: A raspberry fruit leather

Euphoria: 9

Existential Dread: 2

Freaking Out When Crazy Person Approaches You: 1

Drink Pairing: LaCroix Lemon Seltzer

Music Pairing: 'Ultralight Beam' by Kanye West

Rating: 8

 

L.A. Confidential

Weed that geeks you up and gets you going and makes you want to do things or just talk a whole lot about relevant shit and, in general, feel more closely tied to the world around you. It's a "creative high" which, mind you, is separate from the typical weed high which usually makes you think every "creative" idea you have is good or every joke brilliant or every observation ready to be unravelled into a 150-page thesis. No, this is getting shit done weed. Write, draw, go outside and realize some shit on this stuff. The downside of all the inspiration contained with L.A. Confidential—besides it conjuring up images of fetal pig-looking crime writer douche James Ellroy—is that it can bring about a kind of existential ennui. Not dread, but just a sense that whatever's happening is not enough. (BS) 

Strength: 8

Nose: If they made weed-flavored Sweet Tarts

Euphoria: 8

Existential Dread: 3

Freaking Out When Crazy Person Approaches You: 2

Drink Pairing: Flying Dog Tropical Bitch, lmao

Music Pairing: Rihanna, "ANTI"

Rating: 8

 

OG Diesel

One of my least favorite strains (a mix of OG Kush and Sour Diesel) but that should mean very little for everyone else out there because weed is like that—there is no right type, it is medicine and different medications work for different people, okay?—so you might get a lot out of being overwhelmingly obliterated and just kind of distant from the world around you but I do not. Or, OK, I prefer scarier, meaner drugs for that. The OG Diesel comedown is particularly cruel and tends to shut off and bring you back down to earth too briskly. One minute you're high then the next minute you're not. And when OG Diesel's high slips away, you're left facing all your responsibilities and problems again. It numbs you for a period of time, which doesn't work for me, but could work for you depending on your level of anxiety or stress. Sometimes it is cool to feel nothing at all. (BS)

Strength: 9

Nose: Warm Mango Kefir

Euphoria: 6

Existential Dread: 9

Freaking Out When Crazy Person Approaches You: 6

Drink Pairing: Supermarket-brand fruit punch soda

Music Pairing: Keith Hudson, "Flesh Of My Skin Blood Of My Blood"

Rating: 5

 

OG Kush

So OG Kush is the bedrock for any number of hybrid strains and too often—because mash-up strains and all the rest are basically out of fucking control—it's the main drive that keeps every kind of weed, no matter how nonsensical or unnecessary the hybrid, still worth smoking. And it makes you painfully aware, so you start to notice, say, the blood slipping around inside your skin and up to your brain and back down again but not in a way that makes you consider how you're just flesh and blood and therefore, so fragile and speeding towards death, but just in a like, "woah bro bodies are weird" way, which is cool if also rather bogus. Fisher Price Presents Baby's First Head-Crushing Weed Strain. (BS)

Strength: 9

Nose: A lemon Jolly Rancher

Euphoria: 9

Existential Dread: 2

Freaking Out When Crazy Person Approaches You: 3

Drink Pairing: Boh

Music Pairing: Butch Dawson, "Prey"

Rating: 6

 

Romulan

"If you've ever snorted heroin, [Romulan has that] sort of...pleasant feeling minus the whole rather loaded thing that you know, you're snorting heroin, which I would not recommend for most people the way I might recommend smoking up." That's how I described this strain a few months ago in the paper and I'm repeating it because it's a useful understanding of the power of this weed, which for g-d's sake is named after the race of aliens from "Star Trek" whose heads are kind of dented (because this weed crushes your skull, man). This weed'll knock you out but it follows the knock out with a body high that feels as you're being poked and prodded and massaged by some invisible force like Patrick Swayze in "Ghost" maybe. Nod-out type shit for sure. Once I smoked some and nearly walked right into traffic I was so out of it. Be safe, kids. (BS)

Strength: 10

Nose: Pine, so much pine

Euphoria: 9

Existential Dread: 6

Freaking Out When Crazy Person Approaches You: 8

Drink Pairing: Nothing heavy, probably just some water

Music Pairing: Saint Vitus, "Mournful Cries"

Rating: 9

 

Sour Diesel

Amid a sea of shout-outs to different types of weed on yippity-yapping trap rappers Migos' track 'Packs' from their 2012 mixtape "No Label" (this is long before they were Versace-sporting, dab-inventing superstars), Quavo shouts out (along with Stanky Kush, Mango Kush, and some others) Sour Diesel, a legendary strain. The 'Packs' line captures the dogged presence of Sour Diesel quite well, which is to say Sour Diesel is always in the conversation (other rappers who've referenced it include Notorious B.I.G., N.O.R.E., and Redman), though rarely the focus these days. It is a weed that's mostly in the mind—the kind that can reduce stress or sadness, though it's strong enough to alleviate physical pain, too. Sturdy and dependable and gets you high real fast. Good to take to shows and smoke between bands. (BS)

Strength: 7

Nose: A parking garage at the beach

Euphoria: 8

Existential Dread: 5

Freaking Out When Crazy Person Approaches You: 3

Drink Pairing: Pikesville Rye

Music Pairing: JPEGMAFIA, "Black Ben Carson"

Rating: 8

 

Sweet Kush

Though this weed is supposed to be some super strain and I even give it rather high scores in individual categories, overall it really just feels sort of average. The sativa and indica qualities of the hybrid between Sweet Tooth and OG Kush sound like they'd work well together but just don't. It's not a disaster, and it's not too "maximalist" (as CP has accurately described some strains). It's just like when you make a mixtape based on some common word in the title rather than an actual musical affinity. It’s OK, but there is no real emotional arc. There is a nice tension in the high though and maybe this blasé feeling is just a sign of how spoiled we've gotten with such a vast variety of strains to choose from, but right now this just feels like a generic high. (BW)

Strength: 7

Nose: Citrus with notes of murky water in a creek with the sun shining on it as tadpoles dart around

Euphoria: 7

Existential Dread: 7

Freaking Out When Crazy Person Approaches You: 4

Drink Pairing: Yerba mate

Music Pairing: Mick Jagger 'Evening Gown' off of Mick Jagger's great 1993 album "Wandering Spirit"

Rating: 5

Copyright © 2019, Baltimore City Paper, a Baltimore Sun Media Group publication | Privacy Policy
68°