Our Department of Cosmic Calculations informs us that, as it turns out, the Mayans weren't actually saying that the world would end in 2012. No, what they were actually saying is that, in 2013, we would have Thanksgivukah (or, as the Incas called it, Chanksgiving) the rare coincidence of Thanksgiving colliding with Chanukah, not due to happen again until the year 79811.
And since we are not Mayans but Americans, we will, inevitably, choose to celebrate this extraordinarily rare alignment of disparate calendars not with prayer or fasting or even feasting or orgies of sexual abandon-no, we will shop.
But, we are not America's Most Helpful Holiday Alternative Weekly and certainly not China's, we are Baltimore's. So we created this (pretty much) all-local gift guide so that, instead of sending your hard-earned dollars to Not Baltimore or into the tractor-beam of Amazon's death star, you can spend them right here, in Charm City.
So go out there, Americans of Baltimore, and spend your money. We'll give you two weeks to wear yourselves out shopping and then bring you Part Two of our holiday guide, wherein we help you find places to drink away all the stress that comes from spending all that money in our holiday events calendar.
Until then, Happy Thanksgivukah!
City Paper's 2013 Holiday Gift Guide was written by Edward Ericson Jr., Michelle Gienow, J.M. Giordano, Jenn Ladd, Evan Serpick, Van Smith, Wendy Ward, Brandon Weigel, and Baynard Woods; edited by Jenn Ladd, Evan Serpick, and Baynard Woods; interns Megan Byrne, Chelsea Duff, H. Dean Freeman, Rebekah Kirkman, Sarah Nielson, and Lauren Yeh; cover and interior photographs by J.M. Giordano, with thanks to cover-santa Charlie Herrick.