Oh, to be ancient, with a government pension and a $3,600 show-and-go job because of government connections. That is: Oh, to be a part-time inspector for the Baltimore Liquor Board. We'd while away the hours in this or that libationary establishment, checking off the occasional box on the occasional inspection sheet, filling out forms for long-defunct bars (one part-time inspector reportedly turned in 24 inspections of 15 establishments that were defunct), and just generally collecting the rent. Or, at least, that's how a March audit of the Liquor Board depicts the job. The audit is mostly right, the board's executive secretary, Sam Daniels, conceded. But because state auditors had never before audited the liquor board, they were not sufficiently familiar with all the nuances of the board's and inspectors' work. Daniels retired a few months later.