Orioles Promotional Nights. Those Orioles sure gave us a hell of a ride last year, right? And so far this year, things have been going pretty well too, fresh off a West Coast trip that yielded seven wins out of 11 games. Obviously you should be trying your damnedest to get to every game at what might be the best ballpark in all the land, but we guess you can be forgiven for merely hitting up the team's various promotional nights. You've got to relish that Orioles Magic, guys. Oriole Park at Camden Yards, 333 W. Camden St., (410) 685-9800, orioles.com.
White Rose Motorcycle Club. This group of bikers out of Pennsylvania are nuts. On June 2, as part of the Class "A" Professional Hill Climb, motorcycles will race up a 300-foot dirt "hill" that looks more like a wall than an incline. But they're peppering the summer with events for the average rider, from a swap meet for parts June 14-16, to a Vintage Japanese Motorcycle Meet and Bike Show Aug. 16-18. Indulge your inner Hunter S. Thompson. White Rose Motorcycle Club, 5252 Hillclimb Road, Spring Grove, (717) 229-2621, whiterosemc.org.
Free Yoga with Merritt Athletics. Work making you too uptight? Get out of your suit and into some yoga pants or whatever other comfortable garb you enjoy, and hop downtown for some stretching and chakras and the like. noon-1 p.m. Thursdays through September, Preston Gardens Park, 300 St. Paul Place, (410) 244-1030, godowntownbaltimore.com, free.
Downtown Sailing Center Sailing Classes. Don't scoff: Sailing can teach you some meaningful life skills. Like which side of the boat is starboard and various knots and such. OK, so they're not that meaningful. But it's still good for some maritime fun. Through September, Downtown Sailing Center, 1415 Key Highway, (410) 727-0722, downtownsailing.org., classes $275-$400, clinics $25-$90.
Druid Hill Park Disc Golf. Whoa, look how far you threw that frisbee, dude! Shit yeah. Oh. Well, fuck. That dog just took your disc, bro. Game over, man. Druid Hill Park, 2600 Madison Ave., md-discgolf.com, disc golf isn't about the money, man.
MAC 9th Annual Half-Marathon and Two-Person Relay. The Maryland Athletic Club and Wellness Center (MAC) is hosting their ninth annual half marathon and two-person relay to benefit domestic violence organizations in the local area, including the House of Ruth and CHANA. All participants will receive a medal upon completion, as well as special prizes to the top three men and women finishers and top two relay teams. 8 a.m. May 18, NCR Trail, 1042 Freeland Road, Freeland, (410) 453-9111.
The 138th Preakness. Yes, it's the event that Baltimore's hardcore gamblers, horse racing fans, and alcoholics all love. The second race in the Triple Crown is only about one minute's worth of excitement, but the entire day is chock-full of sinful activities, from betting on the horses to the debauchery of the infield. Pitbull and Macklemore and Ryan Lewis will perform, which is cool, we guess? May 18, Pimlico Race Course, 5201 Park Heights Ave., (410) 542-9400, preakness.com.
Baltimore County Corvette Club Monthly Meet and Greet. Corvettes are pretty cool cars, huh? If you have one, feel free to socialize with like-minded individuals, at least when it comes to cars. If you currently drive a different (read: inferior) vehicle, come by to check out the cool cars and be convinced of your need for what is obviously the pinnacle of automobiles. 5-8 p.m. first Saturday of the month (weather permitting), Security Square Mall, 6901 Security Blvd., (410) 258-8638, baltimorecocorvetteclub.com, free.
Hike in Druid Hill Park in Celebration of National Trails Day. Want to enjoy nature, but terrified of leaving the confines of the Greatest City in America? Join the folks at Druid Hill Park for a 6-mile guided tour of the park and learn about the history of what is one the oldest urban parks in the U.S. 11 a.m.-1 p.m. June 1, Druid Hill Park, 2600 Madison Ave., (443) 469-8274, druidhillpark.org, $10.
Maryland Jousting Tournament Association Founder's Day Joust. Wait, you didn't know that Maryland's state sport involved horses, lances, and the like? Well, get that Game of Thrones/medieval times image out of your head. We're talking about the jousting that involves snagging tiny rings with a 6-foot pole while running full-speed on a horse, which somehow seems even more difficult. 11 a.m. June 1, Glen Arm Field, 12201 Long Green Pike, Glen Arm, (410) 456-4748, marylandjousting.com.
Nationwide Demolition Derby. We don't have gladiators anymore, which is probably a good thing: Bloodstains are a pain to clean. But watching cars smash each other beyond all recognition is the next best thing, right? And you can even drive in it, presumably without the threat of a sword going through your chest. We're not sure what that would do to your insurance premiums, though. 7 p.m. June 1, Anne Arundel County Fairgrounds, 1450 General's Highway, Crownsville, nationwidedemoderby.com.
Advance Auto Parts Monster Jam. The monster trucks are outoors for jumping over and/or smashing into stuff. 7 p.m. June 8, M&T Bank Stadium, 1101 Russell St., (410) 230-8000.
Tour Dem Parks, Hon!, Bike rides for all experience and stamina levels on this day of riding through Carroll, Patterson, Herring Run and Druid Hill parks. So enjoy a leisurely 12-mile ride or test your speed and endurance with a more intense ride, like the 64-mile "metric century." And once you're done, there's a barbecue! All proceeds go to the city's parks, environmental and cycling groups, so don some spandex and your two-wheeled steed and get riding. 7 a.m.-3 p.m. June 9, Carroll Park, Washington Boulevard and South Monroe Street, (443) 310-8810, tourdemparks.org, adults $45, 15 and under $30.
Celebrating Heroes Triathlon. Although this is referred to as a great "first-time" triathlon, with a 0.62 mile swim, 16-mile bike ride, and 3.4-mile run, you should probably still be in pretty good shape to try your hand at this. Billed as a way to honor service members, the event will for the first time have a competition class composed solely of emergency first responders, the winner of which will be awarded with a $500 donation to a charity of their choice. 7 a.m. June 23, Centennial Lake, 4651 Centennial Lane, Columbia, tricolumbia.org.
Gold Cup Quarterfinals. This summer, M&T Bank Stadium is hosting the other football. You know, the one that actually involves feet most of the time. And unless the United States team totally shits the bed, odds are you'll see such stars as Clint Dempsey and Tim Howard have a chance to kick the ball around here in Charm City. 4 p.m. July 21, M&T Bank Stadium, 1101 Russell St., (410) 230-8000, baltimoreravens.com.
Maryland Hunter Education Course. Although hunting season isn't typically until the fall, it's probably best to get the part where you learn how not to accidentally maim your brother/father/unrelated hunting partner with a firearm out of the way now. Get the basics on firearm-handling safety, shooting fundamentals, wildlife management, and tree stand safety. 6:30-10 p.m. July 25-27, Frederick Chapter of Izaak Walton League of America, 4719 Reels Mill Road, Frederick, frederickiwla.org, under 14 must be accompanied by a parent, $10.
Baltimore Ravens Preseason Football. It's time for preseason football again, which means getting your first glimpse at Super Bowl winners Joe Flacco and Ray Rice-what? They're only on the field for like five minutes? Dammit. Well, use this opportunity to hone your Ravens-related obscenities and chants in preparation for the real games. 7:30 p.m. Aug. 15, 8 p.m. Aug. 22, M&T Bank Stadium, 1101 Russell St., (410) 230-8000, baltimoreravens.com.
Tour de Frederick. Quite a weekend for the cycling and/or Frederick enthusiast. This year's tour includes rides for all skill levels, from an 8-mile family ride to the "leisurely" 24-mile "ramble" and the ole' "metric century" for grizzled veterans. Ride up and down mountains, to Gettysburg and back, or just stick around town for the ghost tour Friday night. 11 a.m.-10 p.m., 6 a.m.-8:30 p.m. Aug, 16-18, Hilton Garden Inn, 7226 Corporate Court, Frederick, (301) 600-1875, tourdefrederick.com.
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