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Bronson Arroyo

With just one signing, Dan Duquette and Peter Angelos rewrote the Orioles off season playbook.

Hey Spring, thanks for coming. I don't want to sound like an ass-hat or anything, but your brother Winter was a royal douche this year. I hope you're planning something nice. The Orioles? You bring the Orioles every year. You added free agents this go-round? Like, 75-year-old retreaded also-rans, right? Maybe Sammy Sosa's grandfather or a homunculus slapped together from pine tar, Louisville Slugger bat shavings, and the pickled liver of Babe Ruth? I hear Albert Belle has finally finished his court-ordered anger management and is available. I think the O's have finally paid off his last contract, so they could use that money to re-sign him. Wait, they landed Nelson Cruz...

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