www.citypaper.com/special/sizzlinsummer/bal-oh-baltimore-aint-it-cold-just-to-drink-20140618,0,139739.story

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OH, BALTIMORE, AIN'T IT COLD JUST TO DRINK?

The Cold, Wet Results of the 11th City Paper I-Team¿ Investigation in Search of Baltimore's Coldest Draft Beer and Wherever the Hell We Parked Our Car Before We Started Drinking Last Night

3:13 PM EDT, June 11, 2014

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The City’s sweatin’ and it don’t know why. OK, we know why, it’s Summertime in the City That Swelters, and after mowing all 3 square feet of that lawn in front of our rowhome, we need a cold one. So thirsty! We want to wrap our lips around the rim of a frosty mug of Liquid Winter and transport at least part of our blistered bodies to a colder, happier place, free from the Global Warming of Polar Ice Caps crumbling into the sea. Actually, we found the Ice Caps! They are apparently lowering the temperature of the frosted mugs of Budweiser served at the cold-as-ice Pulaski Liquor Emporium, now three-time winner of our Drinky Reindeer Game, shattering with icy alcoholic shards the previous record held by last year’s chilly champs at McCabe’s.

Every year since 2003—except for 2008, we have no idea why we didn’t do this in 2008, unless we were still hungover from 2007—your devoted servants here at Baltimore’s Most in Need of a Designated Driver Alternative Weekly have slurped their way through our town’s taverns to help you find the succor that only a below-freezing mug of American Macrobrew can provide, and we do this by employing pseudo-, quasi-, and highly unscientific methods of testing the temperature of watery, piss-thin draft beer with our trusty Comark™ 300B Pocket Thermometers at as many local spots as our livers will allow us to visit. We go for the lighter beers when we can, because that’s generally what you want to pour down your neck for a quick, brain-numbing buzz when you’re sweating out of your eyeballs just from walking two blocks to the bar. There’s a time and a place for hop-hop-hoppy IPAs and Chocolate Coffee Porterhouse Steak Triple Stouts best served at 45 degrees or whatever, but it’s not right now, Baltimore; right now it’s cold just to drink.

Credits: The beer-stained wretches on this year’s City Paper I-Team™ still don’t know how to spell “Yuengling,” and probably never will, and we’re cool with that: Edward Ericson Jr., J.M. Giordano, Nicole King, Jenn Ladd, Joe MacLeod, Evan Serpick, Josh Sisk, Van Smith, Athena Towery, Wendy Ward™, Brandon Weigel, and Baynard “What’s up with all the damn Yuengling?” Woods. Prices listed are what we paid when we were there. Your results may vary, especially if you try to finish your list of bars in one night. Always drink in a responsible and professional manner, obeying all local laws, ordinances, and directions from bartenders, who work for tips, so don’t be a cheapskate.

1

Pulaski Liquor Emporium 6425 Pulaski Highway, (410) 483-7500

Budweiser

$2.25

27.7

2

Free State Pub Oriole Park at Camden Yards, 333 W. Camden St., (410) 843-7901

Flying Dog Easy IPA

$8.50

32.3

3

Butts and Betty’s Tavern 2200 Gough St., (410) 276-9186

Yuengling

$2.25

33.1

4

Club Hippo 1 W. Eager St., (410) 547-0069

National Bohemian

$2.29

33.4

5

Thumpers 4600 Curtis Ave., (410) 355-5007

Budweiser

$1.50

34.1

5

One World Café 100 W. University Parkway, (410) 235-5777

Union Anthem Golden Ale

$5.41

34.1

7

Joe’s Bar 6200 Reisterstown Road, (410) 358-5833

Miller High Life

$1.90

34.3

8

Backstretch Saloon 1301 W. Old Cold Spring Lane, (410) 889-3003

Budweiser

$1.50

34.5

9

Pickles Pub 520 Washington Blvd., (410) 752-1784

Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA

$4.75

35

10

Mama’s on the Half Shell 2901 O’Donnell St., (410) 276-3160

National Bohemian

$2.50

35.4

11

Jay’s on Read 225 W. Read St., (410) 225-0188

National Bohemian

$2.50

36.2

12

Wharf Rat 801 S. Ann St., (410) 276-8304

Amstel Light

$5.50

36.3

13

Nacho Mama’s 2907 O’Donnell St., (410) 675-0898

Pabst Blue Ribbon

$2.50

36.5

14

Rodos 719 S. Broadway, (410) 563-4547

National Bohemian

$2.00

36.6

15

Peter’s Inn 504 S. Ann St., (410) 675-7313

Heavy Seas Cutlass Amber

$6.50

36.7

15

Mother’s 1113 S. Charles St., (410) 244-8686

Yuengling

$5.50

36.7

17

Swallow at the Hollow 527 E. Belvedere Ave., (410) 464-1944

Budweiser

$3.00

36.8

18

Maxie’s Pizza Bar 3003 N. Charles St., (410) 889-1113

National Bohemian

$2.25

36.9

19

Cat’s Eye Pub 1730 Thames St., (410) 276-9866

National Bohemian

$3.00

37.2

20

Grand Cru 527 E. Belvedere Ave., (410) 464-1944

Bitburger

$6.00

37.3

20

Brannan’s Pub 5516 Harford Road , (410) 426-7300

Yuengling

$1.75

37.3

22

Alexander’s 710 S. Broadway, (410) 522-0000

Stella Artois

$3.00

37.4

23

Super Star Inn 5603 Pulaski Highway, (410) 483-2575

Budweiser

$1.50

37.5

23

Poncabird Pub 1719 Poncabird Pass, (410) 631-7530

Coors Light

$3.00

37.5

23

Silks 2641 Hudson St., (443) 708-0317

National Bohemian

$3.00

37.5

26

Henninger’s 1812 Bank St., (410) 342-2172

Sierra Nevada Pale Ale

$5.00

38

27

Golden West Café 1105 W. 36th St., (410) 889-8891

National Bohemian

$2.00

38.1

28

Tavern on the Hill 900 Cathedral St., (410) 230-5400

National Bohemian

$3.00

38.3

28

The Nickel Taphouse 1604 Kelly Ave., (443) 869-6240

National Bohemian

$3.00

38.3

30

Turps 1317 N. Charles St., (410) 347-0349

National Bohemian

$2.50

38.4

30

Hon Bar 1002 W. 36th St., (410) 243-1236

National Bohemian

$2.00

38.4

30

The Windup Space 12 W. North Ave., (410) 244-8855

Shiner Bock

$5.00

38.4

33

Dempsey’s Oriole Park at Camden Yards, 333 W. Camden St., (410) 843-7901

’83 Golden Ale

$8.45

38.6

34

No Idea Tavern 1649 S. Hanover St., (410) 685-4332

National Bohemian

$3.00

38.7

34

Grand Central 1001 N. Charles St., (410) 547-7415

Yuengling

$5.00

38.7

36

The Finish Line Pimlico Race Course, 5201 Park Heights Ave., (410) 542-9400

Budweiser

$5.75

38.8

37

Red Star 906 S. Wolfe St., (410) 675-0212

Union Duckpin Pale Ale

$6.50

38.9

38

Frazier’s on the Avenue 919 W. 36th St., (410) 662-4914

National Bohemian

$2.20

39

39

JD’s Smokehouse 3000 O’Donnell St., (410) 675-4029

Miller Lite

$4.00

39.1

39

Clipper Mill Inn 1619 Union Ave., (410) 889-6426

National Bohemian

$1.75

39.1

39

Harford House 7509 Harford Road, (410) 444-6712

Yuengling

$3.00

39.1

42

Ginos Burgers and Chicken Oriole Park at Camden Yards, 333 W. Camden St.

Bud Light

$7.75

39.2

42

Greene Turtle 1606 Whetstone Way, (410) 528-8606

Miller Lite

$3.75

39.2

42

Rocket to Venus 3360 Chestnut Ave., (410) 235-7887

National Bohemian

$3.00

39.2

42

Zen West Roadside Cantina 5914 York Road, (410) 323-3368

Yuengling

$2.50

39.2

46

The Horse You Came in on Saloon 1626 Thames St., (410) 327-8111

National Bohemian

$4.00

39.3

46

Ale Mary’s 1939 Fleet St. (410) 276-2044

Stella Artois

$5.50

39.3

48

Parts & Labor 2600 Howard St., (443) 873-8887

Cisco Summer of Lager

$3.00

39.6

48

Woodberry Kitchen 2010 Clipper Park Road, (410) 464-8000

Tröegs Sunshine Pils

$6.75

39.6

50

Natty Boh Bar Oriole Park at Camden Yards, 333 W. Camden St.

National Bohemian

$7.75

39.7

50

Rocket to Venus 3360 Chestnut Ave., (410) 235-7887

National Bohemian

$3.00

39.7

50

Mt. Washington Tavern 5700 Newbury St., (410) 367-6903

Stella Artois

$5.50

39.7

53

The Dizz 300 W. 30th St., (443) 869-5864

Miller Lite

$3.50

39.9

54

Lil’ Phil’s Tavern 706 S. Broadway, (410) 342-7445

Yuengling

$3.50

40

55

Hudson Street Stackhouse 2626 Hudson St., (410) 342-0592

Palm

$6.00

40.5

56

Roof Deck Oriole Park at Camden Yards, 333 W. Camden St., (888) 848-2473

Miller Lite

$7.75

40.7

57

Sooner’s Tavern 1600 Hazel St., (410) 355-7226

Budweiser

$1.50

41

57

Sliders 504 Washington Blvd., (410) 547-8891

Miller Lite

$3.00

41

59

Dimitri’s Tavern 3820 Falls Road, (410) 889-9545

National Bohemian

$1.75

41.3

60

John Stevens Ltd. 1800 Thames St., (410) 327-5561

National Bohemian

$3.00

41.4

61

Charles Village Pub 3107 St. Paul St., (410) 243-1611

Yuengling

$4.50

41.9

62

Blue Pit Bar 1601 Union Ave., (443) 948-5590

Union Anthem Golden Ale

$6.00

42.1

63

Kibby’s 3450 Wilkens Ave., (410) 644-8716

Bud Light

$2.75

42.3

63

De Kleine Duivel 3602 Hickory Ave.

Primus Lager

$5.00

42.3

63

Alewife 21 N. Eutaw St., (410) 545-5112

Weihenstephaner Original

$6.50

42.3

66

Frank & Nic’s West End Grille 511 W. Pratt St., (410) 685-6800

Bud Light

$4.63

42.4

66

Holy Frijoles 908 W. 36th St., (410) 235-2326

Dos Equis

$2.00

42.4

68

Forno 17 N. Eutaw St., (443) 873-9427

Coors Banquet

$3.00

42.6

68

Dead Freddies 7209 Harford Road, (410) 254-8373

Dos Equis

$3.00

42.6

68

Waterstone Grill 311 W. Madison St., (410) 225-7475

Miller Lite

$2.50

42.6

71

Canton Liquor House 1822 Fleet St., (410) 276-0388

Miller Lite

$2.50

42.7

72

Johnny Rad’s 2108 Eastern Ave., (443) 759-6464

Heavy Seas Riptide White IPA

$3.75

42.9

73

Pub Dog 20 E. Cross St., (410) 727-6077

Blonde Dog

$2.25

43

73

Shamrock Inn 6044 Harford Road, (410) 426-9715

Budweiser

$1.80

43

75

Idle Hour 201 E. Fort Ave., (410) 468-035

Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA

$5.00

43.1

75

The Point 1738 Thames St., (410) 327-7264

Stella Artois

$6.00

43.1

77

Goose Island Stand Oriole Park at Camden Yards, 333 W. Camden St.

Honkers Ale

$8.50

43.2

78

Todd Conner’s 700 S. Broadway, (410) 537-5005

National Bohemian

$2.00

43.3

78

Le Garage Beer Bar & Frites 911 W. 36th St., (410) 243-6300

The Bruery Humulus Lager

$9.00

43.3

80

Mount Vernon Stable & Saloon 909 N. Charles St., (410) 685-7427

Miller Lite

$3.50

43.6

80

McCabe’s 3845 Falls Road, (410) 467-1000

Union Duckpin Pale Ale

$5.18

43.6

82

Dougherty’s 223 W. Chase St., (410) 752-4059

Budweiser

$3.00

43.8

83

Mick O’Shea’s 328 N. Charles St., (410) 539-7504

Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA

$5.05

43.9

83

David’s 1st & 10 3626 Falls Road, (410) 662-7779

National Bohemian

$2.50

43.9

85

Curb Shoppe 5736 Falls Road, (410) 433-8299

Budweiser

$3.25

44.1

85

Bartenders 2218 Boston St., (410) 534-2337

Dos Equis

$2.00

44.1

85

Hull Street Blues Café 1222 Hull St., (410) 727-7476

National Bohemian

$3.00

44.1

85

Zissimos 1023 W. 36th St., (410) 467-4707

National Bohemian

$2.75

44.1

89

The Life of Reilly 2031 E. Fairmount Ave., (410) 327-6425

National Bohemian

$2.25

44.3

90

Ropewalk 1209 S. Charles St., (410) 727-1298

Bud Light

$4.50

44.5

91

Mount Royal Tavern 1204 W. Mount Royal Ave., (410) 669-6686

National Bohemian

$3.00

44.6

92

Mad River 1110 S. Charles St., (410) 727-2333

Coors Light

$3.00

44.8

93

JR’s Bar & Grille 1229 Hull St., (410) 244-6442

Sam Adams Summer

$3.25

45

94

No Way Jose CafÉ 38 E. Cross St., (410) 752-2837

Dos Equis Ambar

$5.00

45.1

95

Jerry’s Belvedere Tavern 5928 York Road, (410) 435-8600

National Bohemian

$2.00

45.2

96

Pratt Street Ale House 206 W. Pratt St., (410) 244-8900

Creeper #5

$6.00

45.6

96

Club Charles 1724 N. Charles St., (410) 727-8815

Yuengling

$3.00

45.6

98

Midtown BBQ & Brew 15 E. Centre St., (443) 835-2472

National Bohemian

$4.53

45.8

99

Dreams Inn 527 E. Patapsco Ave., (410) 355-0848

National Bohemian

$1.30

45.9

100

Blarney Stone Pub 704 S. Broadway, (410) 342-3947

National Bohemian

$3.25

46

101

Budweiser Patio Oriole Park at Camden Yards, 333 W. Camden St.

Budweiser

$7.75

46.1

101

Birroteca 1520 Clipper Road, (410) 366-3267

Evolution Summer Session

$6.00

46.1

101

13.5% Wine Bar 1117 W. 36th St, (410) 889-1064

Schlafly Pale Ale

$7.00

46.1

104

One-Eyed Mike’s 708 S. Bond St., (410) 327-0445

National Bohemian

$3.00

46.4

105

Duda’s 1600 Thames St., (410) 276-9719

Miller Lite

$4.00

46.6

105

Owl Bar 1 E. Chase St., (410) 347-0888

National Bohemian

$3.00

46.6

107

Ryan’s Daughter 600 E. Belvedere Ave., (410) 464-1000

Yuengling

$4.50

47

108

PJ’s Pub 3333 N. Charles St., (410) 243-8844

National Bohemian

$2.50

47.2

109

La Scala 1012 Eastern Ave., (410) 783-9209

Peroni

$6.25

47.9

110

City Limits 1700 E. Fort Ave., (410) 244-8084

National Bohemian

$3.00

48.6

111

Palmere’s 1018 Eastern Ave., (443) 835-1953

Anchor Steam

$5.25

48.7

111

Banditos Tacos & Tequila Bar 1118 S. Charles St., (443) 835-1517

Miller Lite

$4.00

48.7

113

Bertha’s 734 S. Broadway, (410) 327-5795

Harpoon Summer Beer

$5.00

49.9

113

Leadbetters 1639 Thames St., (410) 675-4794

National Bohemian

$3.00

49.9

115

Sticky Rice 1634 Aliceanna St., (443) 682-8243

Stella Artois

$4.00

51.5

116

Bad Decisions 1928 Fleet St., (410) 979-5161

Union Anthem Golden Ale

$5.00

58.7

Click here to download a copy of this chart

 

10 Years of Frozen Beers

2013: 29.1 McCabe’s, National Bohemian
2012: 29.3 Pulaski Liquor Emporium, Yuengling
2011: 31.2 Holy Frijoles!, Dos Equis
2010: 30.4 Pulaski Liquor Emporium, Budweiser
2009: 30.2 Bolero Lounge, Bud Ice
[DID NOT RUN IN 2008]
2007: 30.8 Sportman’s Spot, Budweiser
2006: 29.6 Down the Hatch, Budweiser
2005: 30.4 Butts & Betty’s Tavern, Bud Light
2004: 31.3 Rendezvous Lounge, Yuengling
2003: 31.8 “Smokey T beer,” Pimlico Race Course, Budweiser