The 2014 Holiday Guide

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Holiday Calendar

Stage Burlesque-a-Pades: A Christmas Shimmy. New York City’s touring burlesque revue brings sexy holiday cheer with a Dickens-inspired production featuring illusionist and comedian Albert Cadabra, dance group The Maine Attraction, and more. Dec. 21, 8 p.m., The Ottobar, 2549 N. Howard St., (410)...

City Paper Staff Holiday Picks

  • Trixie Little's 10th Annual Holiday Spec-tac-uthon

    Trixie Little's 10th Annual Holiday Spec-tac-uthon

    Trixie Little's 10th Annual Holiday Spec-tac-uthon Dec. 18-20 Trixie Little has been delighting children of all ages (over 18, mostly) since, like, 2002 with her unique blend of trapeze acrobatics, comedic grace, and unclothed nakedidity. Often (not always) with her sidekick (now husband), the...

  • Skate at the Inner Harbor Ice Rink

    Skate at the Inner Harbor Ice Rink

    Skate at the Inner Harbor Ice Rink Through Jan. 19 Listen up. Someone put their blood, sweat, and tears into raising $250,000 for Baltimore’s first Inner Harbor ice-skating rink in a decade so that you can play unlimited broomball between now and February. Broomball is a hockey-esque sport that...

  • Put Those Burnt Cookies to Good Use

    Put Those Burnt Cookies to Good Use

    Put Those Burnt Cookies to Good Use You burnt the Christmas cookies. You're a failure. You ruined Christmas. You have trays upon trays of ruined cookies and a smoky kitchen and ringing fire alarm. What do you do? You can't send out these culinary disasters to family and friends, because they'll...

  • Listening to 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' On Repeat

    Listening to 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' On Repeat

    Listening to 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' On Repeat Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’ is one of, is not THE, greatest songs ever recorded. Yeah, we said it. So one of the best holiday activities we can think of is listening to the song on repeat and dancing out our holiday frustrations...

  • Charm City Craft Mafia Presents: Holiday Heap 2014

    Charm City Craft Mafia Presents: Holiday Heap 2014

    Charm City Craft Mafia Presents: Holiday Heap 2014 Dec. 6 This holiday season, instead of giving your loved ones itchy sweaters and socks that were made in unethical and unsafe conditions somewhere in Bangladesh, which ultimately goes to support the corporate chain CEOs instead of the many hard-working...

  • MICA Art Market

    MICA Art Market

    MICA Art Market Dec. 10-13 Handmade gifts can really be hit or miss, depending on one’s facility with a glue gun. And, well, it’s not that your parents didn’t love the glittery, macaroni-festooned gifts you gave them as a kid, but now that you’re older, you can treat them to something artisanal....

City Paper Staff Holiday Picks

  • Olde Tyme Christmas Celebration in Fells Point

    Olde Tyme Christmas Celebration in Fells Point

    Olde Tyme Christmas Celebration in Fells Point Dec. 6 The best facsimile of Christmases past that Baltimore has to offer is in cobblestoned Fells Point, where what may be the area’s oldest working Santa arrives on a tugboat in the morning, kicking off a day of eggnog drinking, market gawking, horse-drawn-sleigh...

  • Duke Ellington's Nutcracker

    Duke Ellington's Nutcracker

    Duke Ellington's Nutcracker Dec. 6 Jazzy-wazzy takes on holiday music have become a gross kind of Christmas comfort food—a way to extricate the holidays from the stodgy seriousness of classical music while not giving into the supposed craven elements of Christmas-oriented pop. Just “serious” enough...

  • Wandering Around an Empty Downtown

    Wandering Around an Empty Downtown

    Wandering Around an Empty Downtown When you tell people you are not doing anything for Christmas, they always, kindly, invite you to their house to be with their family. Then you have to tell them that you really don't want to spend the holidays with their family, that you would much rather spend...

  • Under $500

    Under $500

    Under $500 Dec. 12 For a lot of people, the holidays are about buying shit. Buying shit, buying shit, buying shit. And we mostly hate that kind of stuff. You know, use what you got. Spend time, not money, etc. But we are all about buying art. Because, you know, how else do artists live? I’ll tell...

  • Christmas Village

    Christmas Village

    Christmas Village Through Dec. 24 When we had the pleasure of visiting our ancestral home, Germany, last year, one of the many great cultural traditions we encountered was the town festival, where vendors gathered in the central square to hawk things you might expect—folk art, beer steins, beer...

  • UN Xmas

    UN Xmas

    UN Xmas Dec. 27 A few years ago, one of the greatest gifts we’ve ever received was bestowed upon us after we chugged enough beers for raffle tickets and had the good fortune of having one of those tickets selected: the Otto Lotto, a yearlong pass to any and every show at the Ottobar (with a few...

City Paper Staff Holiday Picks

  • Symphony of Lights

    Symphony of Lights

    Symphony of Lights Through Jan. 4 When you live in Howard County, it’s sort of impossible to not notice the Symphony of Lights, an annual drive-through holiday light display at Symphony Woods/Merriweather Post Pavilion. It’s located near both an exit for Route 29 and the Mall in Columbia, so half...

  • Watching Non-Christmas Christmas Movies

    Watching Non-Christmas Christmas Movies

    Watching Non-Christmas Christmas Movies Welcome to the Christmas party, pal. One of our favorite things about the buying season is the blood-soaked cinema that comes with it. Let us explain: Instead of watching “A Charlie Brown Christmas” for the 1,000th time, we prefer Charlie Baltimore, the main...

  • Getting a Real Tree

    Getting a Real Tree

    Getting a Real Tree Get in touch with your inner lumbersexual this holiday season. Christmas tree lots spring up all over the city almost before the first bite of turducken has gone down, and there have been a slew of fake plastic trees to choose from since July. But none of those require the donning...

  • Get Creative with your Jewish Family on Christmas

    Get Creative with your Jewish Family on Christmas

    Get Creative with your Jewish Family on Christmas For Jews, the Christmas Day movie and Chinese food have become cliche—have you tried to get a table at Mr. Chan’s on Dec. 25 (“Oy Sauce,” Dec. 5, 2012)? This year, stay at home and get creative. Instead of watching “A Christmas Story” or any other...

  • Going Through Holiday Parties Without Having Gifts for Anyone

    Going Through Holiday Parties Without Having Gifts for Anyone

    Going Through Holiday Parties Without Having Gifts for Anyone When you arrive at the door and notice the Christmas tree, friends and family, and holiday cheer through the window, remind yourself that family will always forgive you, even if you kill Fredo. That being said, if you don’t play this...

  • Mayor's Christmas Parade

    Mayor's Christmas Parade

    Mayor's Christmas Parade Dec. 7 When residents of Hampden threatened to blackout their famous Miracle on 34th Street Christmas lights earlier this year, there was an expected outcry from locals counting on the annual tradition. But even if things did go dark, there would still have been another,...

City Paper Staff Holiday Picks

  • Getting Wasted With Your Family

    Getting Wasted With Your Family

    Getting Wasted With Your Family Maybe you see your family all the time, or maybe this is really the only time of year you visit with them at all. And maybe you get along great with your parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, and aunts and uncles, or maybe you can’t stand the sight of them. This...

  • Thrifting For An Ugly Sweater Party

    Thrifting For An Ugly Sweater Party

    Thrifting For An Ugly Sweater Party Thrifting for ugly Christmas sweaters is not for the weak. You must be determined enough to sift through racks upon racks of disorganized donated clothes, strong enough to face the overwhelming smell of mothballs and body odor that permeate throughout every Salvation...

  • Drinking Until 4 a.m. and Being Able to Buy Booze on Sundays

    Drinking Until 4 a.m. and Being Able to Buy Booze on Sundays

    Drinking Until 4 a.m. and Being Able to Buy Booze on Sundays If you boil it down, the holidays are about one thing: drinking. Think about it. What do they mean when they say “get into the spirit”? They mean get into the spirits. Turn up a cup and toast. ’Tis the reason for the season. And Baltimore...

  • Annual Christmas Eve Holiday Sing-Along with Dick Smith

    Annual Christmas Eve Holiday Sing-Along with Dick Smith

    Annual Christmas Eve Holiday Sing-Along with Dick Smith Dec. 24 Dick Smith may be famous for his skills playing the theater pipe organ, but his highest-profile gig has to be tinkling the ivories at Phillips Seafood, which he’s been doing since the day the place opened in Harborplace in 1980. It’s...

  • RIP Rudolph

    RIP Rudolph

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