Mr. Wrong By Joe MacLeod

Mr. Wrong goes to see Wye Oak with the BSO and wants you to stay in your seats

I don't know about you, but I enjoy Cultural Activities, so the other evening I went to this "Pulse" show at the Meyerhoff Arena or whatever they call it to see this rock band Wye Oak (which is named after an extinct tree, I think) along with the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra, so it's two different kinds of music, and they do crazy mix-'em-ups in hopes of blowing everybody's mind and maybe tricking some people into liking the Symphony Orchestra-type music. That is my theory, anyway.

So for this event they really try hard, man, they have warm-up acts out in the lobby, there's lots of food for sale, and I bet the alco-drinking that gets done at these events is way more than the regular shows, especially because you can bring your drink into the auditorium, which has all kinds of Science Fiction-looking domes and shields stuck on the ceiling to make the sound bounce around better. They even broadcast the show on the radio on WTMD, which is 89.7 on the Frequency Modulation, so it's kind of a big deal, multimedia, even, and it is a festive event and some people put on nice clothes and stuff.

The Meyerhoff is a classy venue, you know? It's not like most of the dark, smelly clubs that have Popular Music, and when the Meyerhoff has this thing where it has a non-Symphonic kinda band, it brings in a lot of people who have never been inside a nice place to enjoy some music in a chill yet refined setting, so that's good, to motivate people to see a different way to enjoy stuff, you know?

The music at this show was totally killer, there was this one piece that was specially composed by two Composers and the band, and it made Wye Oak and the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra sound like they were kinda doing a theme from a James Bond movie, and I don't mean that in a snotty way, I mean it was big and unusual and exciting-sounding, man, very cool.

I think everybody in the crowd had a really good time, and I think this is a highly successful event, and I personally enjoyed the show, but look, if you ever go to one of these "Pulse" shows, could you make a concerted effort to try and stay in your goddamn seat and only get up when there's a logical pause in the proceedings?

I mean sure, at many other places where you go to see music, you stand up for the show, or you are in a Dancing environment, so everybody is sorta moving around, but the Meyerhoff has seats, and you need to fucking sit in them, not get up and down every five minutes, for fuck's sake. They have this specifically designed ceiling, man, and you need to stay in your seat so the sounds can fly around properly. I mean, I like to drink beer, but if I'm going to be sitting in a venue where it's rows of seats and you gotta smoosh by everybody to get in and out, I'm gonna think about not getting in and out so much, and I'm gonna plan accordingly.

It's like, try and practice a little Self-Control, tell yourself you'll go and get that next beer at an appropriate pause in the performance, you know? I had a seat on the aisle, and I spent the whole fucking show getting up and down and up and down andupanddownandupanddown for all these people who kept getting goddamn up to go to the lavatory, or else they got fucking up to go get another alco-beverage, and then they had to get up again to go to the can, you know?

It was really fucking irritating, seriously.

The very first song was performed by the Orchestra, and it was about a River or something, the Conductor explained, and when you listened to it, it was trippy, at first there were these teensy little high-pitched violin parts and some tinkly icy-sounding chimes, and it needed to be dead fucking quiet inside the hall so you could get lost in it, as it built up with different instruments and got more complicated and deeper and wider. It was really super fucking cool, except for so many chuckleheads getting up outta their seats, Jesus Christ, I can't believe there were that many people who hadda go take a whizz and couldn't just hold off for a coupla minutes so everybody could properly enjoy what I paid 35 fucking dollars to hear, man, I mean, really, it was like a commercial for Overactive Bladder drugs, you know? The doors were opening and closing in the back and letting in the sound from a buncha people out in the lobby who were out there blabbering while the Orchestra was playing this beautiful music in the specially designed Giant Room for Listening to Music while everyone is supposed to sit the fuck down and be quiet, it's not an unreasonable thing to expect, man. Thirty-five dollars, man. And I don't think it was because the first song was about a river and it was the power of suggestion making people head out to micturate.

When you drink alcohol it stimulates your fucking bladder, did you know that? Of course you did, everybody fucking knows that, but I guess everybody thought they were the only ones who had to go peepee during the goddamn most likely one-of-a-kind, probably never-to-be-fucking-repeated Wye Oak show with the goddamn fucking Baltimore Symphony Orchestra, you couldn't hold it for five goddamn minutes? Think about that next time and pace yourself. Thank you.

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