Hey Baltimore, I think pretty much everybody is in agreeance right now that current Mayor of Baltimore Stephanie Rawlings-Blake is not looking too good for re-election as Mayor, and I’m not saying that because of all the bad stuff that’s been going on in this city, because the bad stuff has been going on for a long time, and she just happened to be sitting in the mayor chair when enough people got fed up with people in police custody getting killed—because one more person, Freddie Gray, got killed in police custody—so they went out and protested. I guess some other mayor woulda handled things differently, but there’s a point where you’re really not running things when the governor says he’s running things and the National Guard is in town, and Geraldo Rivera is grimacing into teevee cameras in Baltimore, right?
Look, even though SRB initially kinda backed into the gig when her predecessor—who backed into office when Martin O’Malley left his mayor job to go and be Governor and now maybe President—got busted, when it was time to really get voted into office, she got my vote for Mayor. I dunno if I would vote for her now, though, you know?
I have a general anti-incumbent bent, voting-wise, so this would be time for me to say let’s thank SRB for her service, and now she needs to go and get a new job doing something else, and let’s get somebody new in there, and I mean somebody new to the office, which brings me to Disgraced Former Mayor Sheila Dixon, who recently announced she is running for mayor. This is the same Sheila Dixon who used to be mayor until she got busted for embezzlement, namely, she swiped $600 worth of gift cards that were supposed to be awarded to needy families. Needy Families. Children.
Former Mayor Sheila Dixon was found guilty, by a jury of her peers, of misdemeanor embezzlement, and that meant she coulda been kicked out of her mayor job, which coulda meant she’d lose her $83,000 pension, so she made a deal and got Probation Before Judgment, and then resigned, so her pension was safe, and her probation is over and she’s been a Model Citizen, and now she wants to be mayor here, again.
Television’s Vic Carter from the WJZ-TV news on the teevee asked Former Mayor Sheila Dixon about people being mean to her or something because she got caught stealing gift cards that were supposed to go to Needy Families. Children. Anyway:
TELEVISION’S VIC CARTER: What do you say to the people who may not be as understanding of you, and were not as kind to you?
DISGRACED FORMER MAYOR SHEILA DIXON WHO GETS EIGHT GRAND A MONTH FROM YOUR TAX DOLLARS AS A PENSION: What I say to people is that we all make mistakes, and if we can ask for forgiveness, and move on, and say you’re sorry, and apologize, and reconcile with that, because no one’s perfect, and be able to learn from those mistakes and move on, you know, I would just ask for forgiveness.
Now she’s running for mayor, so it’s like, another step in Forgiveness is to get her old job back, eh? She’s tapping into this whole Forgiveness angle and conflating it with getting put back in the mayor chair!
TVC: What do you say to the people of Baltimore right now?
DFMSDWGEGAMFYTDAAP: That I am sorry for what happened, and that I [am] apologizing about it, you know? I also know that people want to hear that I have not taken anything for granted in that process of what happened.
I’m totally gonna psychoanalyze here: “I also know that people want to hear,” yeah, she’s concerned with what people want to hear, get it? That’s a Politician holding a wet finger up in the wind to see which way the votes are blowing. “I am sorry for what happened,” what does that mean? It means something happened, that’s what she’s saying, man, she’s not saying she did anything, she’s saying some stuff “happened,” see? Until I hear her say to Vic Carter or somebody with similar journalistic credentials “Hey, I was making over a hundred grand a year in my mayor gig, but I dunno, I got this urge, so I used some gift cards that were supposed to be used by Needy Families. Children,” I will continue to argue Former Mayor Dixon is dissociated from her actions. That is a sign of being detached from the Reality you and I generally enjoy on a day-to-day basis.
TVC: Have you forgiven yourself or did you ever feel a need to forgive yourself?
DFMSDWGEGAMFYTDAAP: Oh, clearly, yes, it was a challenge, and a struggle, for me to forgive myself, as well as for people to forgive me, and it’s an ongoing process. I know that I’m stronger, I know that I have forgiven myself, and I ask God to forgive me, my family, and I’m asking the city to forgive me. And it’s every day, it’s a new step, and it’s a new direction of strength that I gain.
I don’t know about you, but me, personally, as a taxpayer of the City of Baltimore, I would like to state for the record that as far as I am concerned, congratulations to Former Mayor Sheila Dixon on her Ongoing Process of Forgiveness, and I say absolutely All is Forgiven where Former Mayor Sheila Dixon is concerned, you know, with “what happened,” that thing that Happened. Here’s something else that could Happen, let’s put a referendum on the next election ballot to give the whole city a chance to forgive Sheila Dixon! Let’s make that Happen, and then as far as her being mayor again, that’s something that doesn’t have to Happen: Keep Dixon Former. Put it on a bumper sticker.