This episode of City Paper, Baltimore's Top 10 Alternative Weeklies, is all about Top 10, or at least that's what they told me (and you know who They are), and here at The Mr. Wrong Column we are always pleased to Harmonize with the Theme of a particular issue, when we know what it is, and it is what it is: Top 10! Let's go!
Yeah baby, Opinions of things that are Top 10 in Music, and Books, and maybe Food? Sports, I bet, and Movies! Actually, I dunno what's in Top 10 this year in the paper, but I know what's in mine, man, and all my Top 10 items are right here right now in Bold Type, which, after Top 10 itself, is our second and basically perennial Top 10 here at The Mr. Wrong Column, which of course is a Top 10, otherwise I wouldn't be here, OK? Top 10!
Fourthly and most Alcoholically, I would like to Top 10 Local Beer, because there's so much of it now, man, it is flowing all through The City That Needs to Stop Drinking Natty Boh and you can get Local in bottles and cans in your favorite alco-store, and it kinda doesn't make sense any more to drink so much garbage contract-brewed macro-swill when you can Buy the Local, OK? I dig the stuff from Union Craft Brewing, and if you count up all its regular and seasonal and special beers, it's way more than 10, but my fave regular one is the Balt Altbier. Top 10! Hic!
Speaking of beer, I have knocked down more than a few at Dougherty's, one of the great bars in Baltimore, where all kinds of people congregate in conviviality and the place has no agenda, just drinks and food and good times. It is my Top 10, and I hope the place survives being sold and doesn't end up getting converted into a dopey sports bar or whatever.
The other day I bought a shiny-new new Cellular Telephone, and I got it from this guy Glenn at the Verizon store that's at 926 York Road. It was like getting sold an iPhone by five Advertising Guys from "Mad Men," seriously, if you have a coupla hours, I recommend it. Glenn is as entertaining as a Top 10 movie, and you will learn all about your Device and stuff.
My News items that are Top 10 are from shit that's still going on. Last December in my annual Top 10 Address, I put this:
Speaking of America, I support the Protesters who are compelling everybody to confront the problem of violence we have in this not-so-post-racism country with the functioning of our police system, and I think the protest-people who go out and inconvenience everyone are exercising their Freedom and Democracy in the interest of the entire nation . . . Our Domestic Protesters are out there doing something Important, and I hope this activity finds its way into the politics and the voting process, otherwise we're fucking doomed.
So my Top 10 from 2014 was before Freddie Gray, before the Uprising, and before six Baltimore Police got arrested, and with that in mind I am presenting it again as my Top 10, because things still need to be fixed, and because the Protesting has indeed found its way into our Government, and I hope our voting process. Top 10!
The subject of my next Top 10 item has kinda made the Year of Our Lord 2015 a Top 10 all by itself for me, namely, Winning A Big Pile of Dough on A Teevee Game Show, a Life Goal, if you will. Yeah man, for real, I won $250,000 (before taxes) on television's "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" program, and that makes it my Top 10 game show for all time, and Chris Harrison my Top 10 game-show host, with his brilliant blue eyes and ability to award me money. And look, I am totally OK paying a bucket load of taxes on this score, and I sure hope some of it goes to Fixing Our Crumbling Infrastructure.
For some reason people laugh when I say just going on the show was a thrill, and the money is secondary, so I would like to say that seriously, just going on the show was a thrill, the money is secondary! I hope you at least got a laugh outta that, Gentle Reader, because you are always in my Top 10 for as long as the Baltimore Sun Media Group continues to exist and tolerate my column.
OK, wait, I would also like to Top 10 The Y in Central Maryland Turkey Trot Charity 5K, in which I ran (OK, walked, mostly) for the first time and did not die, and the Towson Cinemark Reserve Level Seating with Tables, which might be the only way I see a movie anymore if it's not at The Senator, and the Iraqi Kurd living in Baghdad who won a $6.4 million Megabucks jackpot, The American Dream!
Hey, if you want, please to compile your very own list or lists of Top 10s and send it to one or all of the addresses below, and I will pick one and award some sorta Prize. The Mr. Wrong Column doesn't really have a Prize Budget, but personally, I had a good year, so I'll spring for something. Your deadline is Thursday, Dec. 31. Top 10!
Mail: MR. WRONG, c/o CITY PAPER, 501 N. Calvert St., Baltimore, MD 21278