Mr. Wrong By Joe MacLeod

Gubernatorial Is The Most Boring Election

Hey Baltimore—and Maryland, even—did you know there is an election coming up on June 24? Politics! Government! Democracy! Voting! A Day Off From Work or at Least an Excuse for Being Late or Leaving Early! Yeah man, Tuesday, June 24 is the Primary Election, also known as the Gubernatorial Primary, on account of we will be voting for (and against) individuals who would like to be the candidate of their political party-til-you-puke in the November General Election which will include Your Next Governor in the state of Maryland, My Maryland, USA Inc.

I dunno why they (and you know who They are, the members of the Board of Elections, and I don't recall ever voting for them, just saying) insist on using that word "Gubernatorial," but I guess it's somehow less clunky than "Governorial?" I dunno. It means the same thing, gubernator, as governor, according to the first dictionary site I Google-clicked on,, which teaches us "gubernatorial" is:

gu¿ber¿na¿to¿ri¿al [goo-ber-nuh-tawr-ee-uh-l, -tohr-, gyoo-] adjective

of or pertaining to a state governor or the office of state governor.

Origin: 1725–35, Americanism; < Latin gubern?at?or- (stem of gubern?ator ) steersman, governor + -ial

It's the appeal of fancy Latin Roots! I propose a bill that we should scrap "Governor" and go "Gubernator!" Sounds kinda Roman, eh? Who will be Gubernator? Let The People decide! Aieeee! I went back to the one more time because they have this page where they use the word you looked up in a sentence:

Example sentences for GUBERNATORIAL

But in our weekly gubernatorial forecast update, there's not so much excitement.

Those named included several gubernatorial and parliamentary candidates.

My detailed breakdowns and opinions of the key elections, including some local and gubernatorial commentary, after the jump.

We do not generally look to gubernatorial debates for excitement.

Hey, looks like got in a coupla shots about how boring Gubernatorial is, eh? That includes the debates, which you woulda figured to be the best part, because the Gubernacandidates need to be sharp and make lotsa Cogent Points and show off their Agendas and stuff in order to do well in and rise above their opponents in the eyes of The People. Har! Anthony G. Brown, the guy who is the current Lieutenant Gubernator, didn't even bother to show up for one of the debates, because he knows almost nobody really gives a shit about these debates except Media Freaks (because they put on the debates and get to be there and ask questions and stuff, and maybe even poop out columns about it in so-called Alternative News and Entertainment Weeklies, hiyo), people who work for the candidates (because this could be their job, man, working for the Gubernator-Elect), and then, sure, there's a few Voters out there who are interested, I guess? Whatever, I didn't even watch any debates, because I knew The Media would tell me if anything fun happened.

This Gubernatorial Primary is all about being in the Democratic Party, on account of Democrats run this state, pretty much, and so the heavy action is right now, in these primaries, if you consider "action" to be a fair term with respect to people getting elected to Control Your Fate, OK? Also and however, We the People of the "Old Line State," or "The Free State" or "Little America," or "America in Miniature," or even "The Land of Pleasant Living" (which is a beer slogan, actually, and would totally win the Slogan Election), will be voting not only for Gubernator/Lt. Gubernator, we will be picking candidates for Comptroller, Attorney General, Representative in Congress, State Senator, and House of Delegates, and so I would like to take this opportunity to re-examine my General Voting recommendation, which is to strongly consider voting against any Incumbent, because come on, enough already, and this year with the candidates for Gubernator, they are not technically incumbents, but they are each already hip-deep in the Game; Heather Mizeur is a member of the House of Delegates, Doug Gansler is Attorney General, and Anthony Brown is Lt. Gubernator. Personally I'm gonna go with Mizeur because she is what I consider to be the Least Politically Entrenched, i.e. the most relatively unsullied player, but that's only based on what I hear on the news, you know? All I see in the news about Gansler is that he said something dumb about Brown's job when Brown was in the Army, and Gansler went to a party where teenagers were being teenagers, and some people got annoyed when Gansler went after the Beltway Snipers after they had been convicted in Virginia, but he was State's Attorney for Montgomery County then, what was he supposed to do, not prosecute those guys? Tell that to the victims' families, right? Anyway, he seems like he should continue to be an Attorney General for awhile, and Anthony Brown, the guy who is most likely to get elected mostly, it seems, because he's physically adjacent to the current Gubernator, this guy should lose exactly because he is Lt. Gubernator, you know? Why do we even have Lt. Gubernator? Is it the training position for Gubernator? I don't think anybody who is Lt. Gubernator should even be allowed to run for Gubernator! It's like Vice President, only worse! I don't know anything about my Lt. Gubernator except he was in charge of the Health Care, but not in charge of the Health Care Web site being FUBAR, and then he was in charge of fixing the Health Care, sure, got it. I still think he's gonna win, because I am really good at Pundit-ing the Elections, but I wish Mizeur would win because I know she is against Hydraulic Fracturing, which I consider to be Environmentally short-sighted, in terms of fucking up our drinking water for centuries, and She is for Monetizing the Weed for Education revenue, way out in front on this topic, and I don't care who her Lt. Gubernator is, why not just let Anthony Brown stay in there and make sure that Health Care site works, right?

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