It's Gianna Bitch: Men's rights now!

City Paper

Feminism is taking over the world and it must be stopped. In the feminists’ ruthless conquest for power, the rights and voices of men are being ignored and stepped on with sharpened stilettos like a pile of dog poop. With Beyonce standing in front of a giant, neon-lit “FEMINIST” at the MTV Music Awards and Taylor Swift embracing the label, it’s become harder to ignore feminism’s destructive reign. Men nowadays have been stifled and castrated, their last reserves of power stripped away.

What men need is activism, a way to promote their cause against this lipstick-shellacked takeover. Having control over 99.997 percent of the world simply isn’t enough. Luckily, the men’s rights movement is embracing this call to action. They rally together in the place where all great social progress occurs, Reddit threads and YouTube comments, to dismantle the female-led genocide of masculinity. Through hilarious and poignant memes, truly the purest form of political commentary, they uncover the hypocrisy of modern feminism. Picture it: a stock photo of a woman’s snarling face surrounded by a pink and purple pinwheel shape. Above her, in Impact font reads, “Women getting the same rights as men?” below her, “Bitch please, this dick ain’t suck itsself [sic] and that sandwich won’t make itsself [sic] hoe.” Brilliant and biting, an argument no whiny woman can argue against. With gender roles being crushed, women are starting to believe they have the freedom to do whatever they want without scrutiny. Just two weeks ago, I saw a woman voting! Look at what feminism has done!

Last week, Dean Esmay, the operations manager for A Voice For Men, a website promoting men’s rights, and the hero the nation deserves, held a video chat with several other members of the men’s rights activist (MRA) community who all agreed that they wouldn’t want to work for a woman because of how catty they can be.

He followed up, saying, “I think it’s because we don’t teach women—whatever biological component there is, I don’t think we train women to lead in ways that don’t involve that kind of henpecking bullying that you see is very common among women, and that seems to typify most of feminism.”

He has a point. There has to be a reason for the embarrassingly small number of women in Congress and other positions of political power, as well as women in CEO positions in top companies. It’s not like there’s a harmful view of women in power due to supposed inferiority and an inability to be taken seriously by men because of a toxically anti-female attitude perpetuated by insecure men or something, so it has to be that women just suck at their jobs.

Men of color are grossly underpaid and murdered for their race; queer men are also killed and discriminated against. Male victims of abuse and rape are often shamed into not coming forward and their struggles are often mocked and ignored.

Sure, these issues are caused by the white, cis, heteromasculine patriarchy and its stifling view of how men and women should behave that feminists are trying to eliminate, but it’s still probably feminism’s fault someway! Also, we actually don’t care about these issues at all because the straight white male is the only true oppressed minority that deserves attention. Ferguson? What’s that? I couldn’t hear you over my Eminem mixtape. 

Women are being raped and abused and being underpaid for the same work  that men do, but how is any of the comparable to the devastating pain of being friend-zoned? We need to focus on real issues, such as how they are to overcome the horror of girls not liking them. They need emotional support and guidance or else they simply cannot be held responsible for shooting up schools and murdering women. It’s all your fault, feminists, look at the monsters you created. But not all men are like them. Men are really just sad, lonely, fragile gentlemen looking for love. It’s incomprehensible that women are unwilling to go on a date with the man who yelled “nice ass” at her while she was walking to work. They don’t appreciate romance anymore. And women only exist as sex-giving machines, where if you treat her with a modicum of respect, she is required to have sex with you—so when she refuses, she is ignoring her reason for existence. These are the same women who use sex to manipulate men into paying for shoes and treating them like a human being. Disgraceful!

Feminist hypocrisy should be its own downfall. They cry and whine about wanting equality but then scorn men when they think that equality means they can hit women. Some may say you’re being misogynist in your noble battle, but shun them. You’re sending rape threats to women and harassing them online for justice! They are just brainwashed by the menstruating media to think that speaking out against women’s oppressive rule is entitled or self-centered victimization. To overthrow feminism and support men’s right is to restore the power structures that created the free and equal utopia we live in today. 

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