• Mr. Wrong: The Sizzling of Summer Sausage

    Mr. Wrong: The Sizzling of Summer Sausage

    How is your Summer going? Are you having a good time, or are you at least making holes in your Bad Time to jam a few square pegs of Good Time all up in there? Do it! You gotta steal that stuff! These Are The Good Times!

  • Free Will Astrology 7/29/15

    Free Will Astrology 7/29/15

    ARIES (March 21-April 19): "I am very much in love with no one in particular," says actor Ezra Miller. His statement would make sense coming out of your mouth right about now. So would this one: "I am very much in love with almost everyone I encounter." Or this one: "I am very much in love with...

  • Field Tripping: Seadogging

    Field Tripping: Seadogging

    It's the height of summer right now, so I thought I'd do what Baltimore hopes and prays people do in the summertime: head down to the Inner Harbor and spend some money. The city has been relying on this strategy to save the city from the dire economic fates of the postindustrial wasteland for years,...

  • Conflicts of Interest: The white pages

    Conflicts of Interest: The white pages

    I've rarely left Baltimore over the past five years—until last month, when I was here for only a couple of days. I missed the city deeply but the absence helped me see certain things, particularly things about myself, the city, and this paper, more clearly.

  • Savage Love: Girl Party

    Savage Love: Girl Party

    I have always wanted to have a girls-only sex party, but I'm not sure how I feel about actually organizing one. What's the etiquette if I do organize one myself? Do I need to provide the dildos for people's harnesses? Or just the condoms and lube? And how do I find people who want to attend? Do...

  • Free Will Astrology 7/22/15

    Free Will Astrology 7/22/15

    ARIES (March 21-April 19): The Latin motto "carpe diem" shouldn't be translated as "seize the day!", says author Nicholson Baker. It's not a battle cry exhorting you to "freaking grab the day in your fist like a burger at a fairground and take a big chomping bite out of it." The proper translation,...

Conflicts of Interest


Field Tripping


Field Tripping: In Training

I’ve been celebrating my 40th birthday, which happened in mid-June, for the better part of a year. My last big present is coming up at the end of the month—a 10-day bike tour of the Adirondacks with a bunch of other mid-life-crisis-suffering middle-class white folks. It’s one of those things that...

Free Will Astrology


Free Will Astrology 7/15/15

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Stop Making Sense” was originally the name of the film and music soundtrack produced by the Talking Heads in the 1980s, and now it is the central theme of your horoscope. I think your brain would benefit from a thorough washing. That’s why I invite you to scour it clean...

Hey Cabbie!


Hey Cabbie: Tired of this shit

Racial issues will be America’s downfall! She has to come to grips with the issue and lean toward equality, by showing it, expressing it, and by all means demonstrating it to the people. Concrete short- and long-term goals and solutions are an absolute must, not lip service, and not the giveaway...

Hot Fudge Wednesdays


It's Gianna Bitch


It's Gianna Bitch: Disney World makes me sick

Look, I get why the quarterback for the winning team at the Super Bowl yells “I’m going to Disney World” when he’s asked about what he plans to do after his big win. See, Disney World and organized sports are huge corporate entities that create recognizable brands and strong customer loyalty through...

Mr. Wrong


Mr. Wrong: Rebel Yell

I forget if I weighed in on this Rebel Flag stuff, because there's so many everybodys weighing in on this Rebel Flag stuff, but I am for putting the flag in a Museum, as opposed to flying it on flagpoles in front of Government Buildings, and I think it is just basically Rude, right now, to display...

No Trivia


No Trivia: The year so far in local and non-local music

“Welcome to reality,” sings Grimes on her electro-soar of a single about coming back from touring or falling in or out of love or whatever, although she spells it ‘REALiTi,’ because Grimes. It is the best song of the year as far as I’m concerned.

The Undercard


Savage Love


Savage Love: Quick Hits

I have been happily married for 12 years. I’m deeply in love with my wife—she’s amazing, very sexy, and gorgeous. I used to be jealous, but about six years ago, I lost my feelings of jealousy. In their place, I developed a strong desire to share my wife with other men. It’s my only fantasy. She...



5 Orioles Facts and 5 Orioles Fictions

Fact: Despite all the injuries and inconsistencies, the Orioles are in first place. If you had told me at the beginning of the season that Matt Wieters’ season would end in May, that 88 games into the season, J.J. Hardy would only have two homers, Chris Davis would be flirting with the Mendoza...