Columns

  • The Readers' Right to Write The Wrong

    The Readers' Right to Write The Wrong

    The Gentle Readers are always encouraged to write in to wrongcolumn@gmail.com with thoughts and opinions. As usual, I have obscured the True Identities of the Reader-Writers below, and also as usual, Readers, thanks for reading the Mr. Wrong Column so hard! Extra thanks for helping write my column...

  • Free Will Astrology 7/1/15

    Free Will Astrology 7/1/15

    ARIES (March 21-April 19): To determine whether you are aligned with the cosmic flow, please answer the following questions. 1. Would you say that your current situation is more akin to treading water in a mosquito-ridden swamp, or conducting a ritual of purification in a clear mountain stream?...

  • Gymnastics

    Gymnastics

    This is going to sound like bragging, but my appearance is intrinsic to my kink. I’m a gay male gymnast. Most of the guys on my college team are annoyed by the kind of objectification we routinely come in for. (We actually don’t want to be auctioned off at yet another sorority fundraiser, thanks.)...

  • Plantation Touring

    Plantation Touring

    I’m on vacation again, this time in New Orleans on a ticket I booked with bonus frequent-flier miles I got for signing up for a credit card, because that’s about as complicated a hustle as I can run. I only had one real plan when I came down here, if you don’t count eating beignets and riding my...

  • Savage Love: Better Off Without

    Savage Love: Better Off Without

    I am a male grad student who is technically engaged to a female grad student. She has numerous positive qualities, but she is repulsed by sex. She is very sensitive about her repulsion and becomes distraught when I broach the subject. She says that even the thought of doing anything sexual with...

  • Free Will Astrology 6/24/15

    Free Will Astrology 6/24/15

    ARIES (March 21-April 19): During my regular hikes along my favorite trails, I’ve gotten to know the local boulders quite intimately. It might sound daft, but I’ve come to love them. I’ve even given some of them names. They symbolize stability and constancy to me. When I gaze at them or sit on...

Conflicts of Interest

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Field Tripping

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Field Tripping: Niagara Falls-ing

It’s my birthday this month—I’m turning 40—and I’ve wisely decided to spend June giving myself whatever I want in celebratory fashion. So far that has mostly meant teaching summer school and lathering on name-brand sunscreen for the bike rides it takes to get me there, but hey, that’s what pushing...

Mr. Wrong

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Mr. Wrong: E Pluribus Money

I like money. I like to look at all the little engraving-pictures on coins and bills, and I enjoy the Mystery of how, like, the Dime is worth more than the Penny and the Nickel combined, even though the 10-Cent Piece is smaller than each of ’em. I even like the smell of paper money, did you ever...

Savage Love

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The Undercard

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Hot Fudge Wednesdays

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Hey Cabbie!

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Hey Cabbie: Tired of this shit

Racial issues will be America’s downfall! She has to come to grips with the issue and lean toward equality, by showing it, expressing it, and by all means demonstrating it to the people. Concrete short- and long-term goals and solutions are an absolute must, not lip service, and not the giveaway...

It's Gianna Bitch

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It's Gianna Bitch: Disney World makes me sick

Look, I get why the quarterback for the winning team at the Super Bowl yells “I’m going to Disney World” when he’s asked about what he plans to do after his big win. See, Disney World and organized sports are huge corporate entities that create recognizable brands and strong customer loyalty through...

Free Will Astrology

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Free Will Astrology 6/16/15

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Would you like to stop pushing and struggling for a while? Is there a clenched attitude you would love to let go of? Do you wish you could take a break from having to give so much and try so hard and be so strong? Then do it! Now would be a good time to take a sabbatical...

Spitballin'

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5 Orioles Facts and 5 Orioles Fictions

Fact: Despite all the injuries and inconsistencies, the Orioles are in first place. If you had told me at the beginning of the season that Matt Wieters’ season would end in May, that 88 games into the season, J.J. Hardy would only have two homers, Chris Davis would be flirting with the Mendoza...

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