Columns

  • Free Will Astrology: 5/25/16

    Free Will Astrology: 5/25/16

    ARIES (March 21-April 19): To convey the best strategy for you to employ in the coming weeks, I have drawn inspiration from a set of instructions composed by aphorist Alex Stein: "Scribble, scribble, erase. Scribble, erase, scribble. Scribble, scribble, scribble, scribble. Erase, erase, erase....

  • The Undercard: In the Shadow of American Pharoah

    The Undercard: In the Shadow of American Pharoah

    A year ago, the dark gray clouds over Pimlico opened up and unleashed a monsoon, turning the track into a muddy mess. Lightning flashed above, and the infield and stands were ordered to be evacuated. And yet the field of eight horses, including Kentucky Derby winner American Pharoah and the two...

  • Field Tripping: Graduating

    Field Tripping: Graduating

    I graduated from Boise High School in 1993, and it was such a great day. High school was a rough go for me, mostly due to painful shyness. I was nervous pretty much all the time, a feeling I remember most vividly when I think about lunchtime. We had a cafeteria, but I don't think I ever ate there,...

  • Savage Love: Guilt Ridden

    Savage Love: Guilt Ridden

    Over the years, I have consumed what I believe to be an average amount of porn for a 44-year-old hetero guy. I have never paid for it, and I am now facing a troubled conscience for that fact. I could obviously just subscribe to some site or other now, but that would benefit only one company and/or...

  • Free Will Astrology: 5/18/16

    Free Will Astrology: 5/18/16

    ARIES (March 21-April 19): "An oar moves a boat by entering what lies outside it," writes poet Jane Hirshfield. You can't use the paddle inside the boat! It's of no value to you unless you thrust it into the drink and move it around vigorously. And that's an excellent metaphor for you to keep in...

  • Savage Love: Mating Games

    Savage Love: Mating Games

    Straight male, 48, married 14 years, three kids under age 10. Needless to say, life is busy at our house. My wife and I have stopped having sex. It was my decision. I get the obligation vibe combined with a vanilla sex life, and it just turns me off. We've had many conversations about it and we...

City Squeeze

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City Squeeze: Long live City Paper

This is my last issue as City Paper's editor. After three years and two months with the paper, I resigned to take a position as director of strategic communications for the Open Society Institute–Baltimore. I'm more proud of the work we've done at City Paper than I am of anything else I've done...

Conflicts of Interest

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Field Tripping

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Field Tripping: Lewis Museum-ing

I had a friend in town this month, visiting from New Orleans. She's one of those nerdy bosom friends, the kind who you can sit and stare into space with for hours and call it a great time but who is also up for a little learning on the side, especially if cocktails follow. Last time I visited her...

Free Will Astrology

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Free Will Astrology: 5/11/16

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Russian writer Anton Chekhov was renowned for the crisp, succinct style of his short stories and plays. As he evolved, his pithiness grew. "I now have a mania for shortness," he wrote. "Whatever I read—my own work, or other people's—it all seems to me not short enough."...

Hey Cabbie!

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Hey Cabbie: Tired of this shit

Racial issues will be America’s downfall! She has to come to grips with the issue and lean toward equality, by showing it, expressing it, and by all means demonstrating it to the people. Concrete short- and long-term goals and solutions are an absolute must, not lip service, and not the giveaway...

Hot Fudge Wednesdays

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Hot Fudge Wednesdays: Mingling with Complete Strangers 101

Nothing says Spring has Sprang like tulips and gratuitous dating advice, and I'm all out of tulips! As a human person who has been single for longer than one month, I am officially Now An Expert On Being Single and I'm feeling generous with my knowledge, honey! Take advantage of this spontaneous...

It's Gianna Bitch

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It's Gianna Bitch: Disney World makes me sick

Look, I get why the quarterback for the winning team at the Super Bowl yells “I’m going to Disney World” when he’s asked about what he plans to do after his big win. See, Disney World and organized sports are huge corporate entities that create recognizable brands and strong customer loyalty through...

Mr. Wrong

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Mr Wrong: Enjoy the Silence

The Mr. Wrong Column has been Fired from City Paper, Baltimore's Least-Wrong Alternative Weekly. I can't complain, though, seriously, this thing has been running, on and off, since Sept. 30 of The Year Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-Eight, can you believe that? I thank—and you may thank, or blame—Mr....

No Trivia

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The Undercard

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Savage Love

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Savage Love: Virgin Territory

I'm a 31-year-old straight woman. I have a good job, great friends, and average attractiveness. I've dated close to 30 men at this point, and I can't wrap my head around this: I've never had a boyfriend or dated anyone for more than a couple months. It's really starting to wear on my self-esteem....

Spitballin'

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5 Orioles Facts and 5 Orioles Fictions

Fact: Despite all the injuries and inconsistencies, the Orioles are in first place. If you had told me at the beginning of the season that Matt Wieters’ season would end in May, that 88 games into the season, J.J. Hardy would only have two homers, Chris Davis would be flirting with the Mendoza...

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