• Field Tripping: Jury Dutying

    Field Tripping: Jury Dutying

    I finally got called for jury duty. This was my second summons in Baltimore, but the first got called off due to that most Baltimore of reasons: a broken water main downtown that closed all the courthouses for days, including my big day as a juror. Most folks would be excited to get to knock out...

  • Savage Love: The Trump Talk

    Savage Love: The Trump Talk

    Waiting to pay for my groceries at the market this evening, this guy, stinking of booze, says to my 9-year-old daughter, "Sweetheart, can you put the divider thing there for me?" First, why is some leering grown man calling my child "sweetheart"? He then thumps two huge bottles of vodka down on...

  • Savage Love: Senior Moments

    Savage Love: Senior Moments

    I'm 64 years young, a musician, chubby, full head of hair, no Viagra needed, no alcohol, I don't mind if you drink, smoker, yes I am. I am also faithful, loyal, and single for five years. No health issues, nada, zero, zilch. Not gay, not prejudiced against gays, pro-woman, Democrat, MASCULINE....

  • Conflicts of Interest: Culture wars come to Mount Vernon and The Drinkery

    Conflicts of Interest: Culture wars come to Mount Vernon and The Drinkery

    When it comes to alcohol, there is a strange puritanism that sometimes sweeps through the city like a witch-hunt fever as well-meaning people—usually progressives—attempt to shut down bars or liquor stores. Sometimes, as in the plan to eliminate the licenses of liquor stores in "impoverished" neighborhoods,...

  • Field Tripping: National Parking

    Field Tripping: National Parking

    This year the National Park Service celebrates its 100th birthday. This is really, really exciting, especially if you're a national parks buff like myself. I grew up resisting the outdoors—that was my dad's territory, and once my parents divorced, blind loyalty to my mother meant eschewing anything...

  • Savage Love: Quickies

    Savage Love: Quickies

    I'm a 27-year-old straight male and a high school teacher held to a strict code. I left my fiancée in June and haven't had sex since. Needless to say, I'm really horny. I'm also in that weird in-between age where I'm not comfortable hanging out at college bars but I'm also a bit younger than most...

City Squeeze


City Squeeze: Long live City Paper

This is my last issue as City Paper's editor. After three years and two months with the paper, I resigned to take a position as director of strategic communications for the Open Society Institute–Baltimore. I'm more proud of the work we've done at City Paper than I am of anything else I've done...

Conflicts of Interest


Conflicts Of Interest: The Starr Report

I was sitting in an interview room on the fifth floor of the Police Headquarters and I was hungover as fuck. Two detectives sat across from me; their lieutenant at my side. I was hungover because my band played the night before and I was in Homicide because T.J. Smith, the public information officer,...

Field Tripping


Field Tripping: Nostalgia Tripping

This week's field trips were all about nostalgia, the perfect way to start marking what is (I hope) the slow transition from summer to fall. It's a zillion degrees outside, but the ladyfriend swears she can smell a change in the weather, and in a sense of hope and solidarity, I say I can, too....

Free Will Astrology


Free Will Astrology: 9/7/16

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Two seven-year-old girls showed me three tricks I could use to avoid taking myself too seriously and getting too attached to my dignity. I'm offering these tricks to you just in time for the letting-go phase of your astrological cycle. Trick #1: Speak in a made-up language...

Hey Cabbie!


Hey Cabbie: Tired of this shit

Racial issues will be America’s downfall! She has to come to grips with the issue and lean toward equality, by showing it, expressing it, and by all means demonstrating it to the people. Concrete short- and long-term goals and solutions are an absolute must, not lip service, and not the giveaway...

Hot Fudge Wednesdays


Hot Fudge Wednesdays: A rat's guide to Artscape

I gotta say, there's nothing like being a rat in Baltimore, and there's nothing like Artscape to touch a rat where it counts. When I'm not transmitting leptospirosis through my feces, I love to kick back and trash surf with the locals. This will be my second year at Artscape and therefore my last,...

It's Gianna Bitch


It's Gianna Bitch: Disney World makes me sick

Look, I get why the quarterback for the winning team at the Super Bowl yells “I’m going to Disney World” when he’s asked about what he plans to do after his big win. See, Disney World and organized sports are huge corporate entities that create recognizable brands and strong customer loyalty through...

Mr. Wrong


Mr Wrong: Enjoy the Silence

The Mr. Wrong Column has been Fired from City Paper, Baltimore's Least-Wrong Alternative Weekly. I can't complain, though, seriously, this thing has been running, on and off, since Sept. 30 of The Year Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-Eight, can you believe that? I thank—and you may thank, or blame—Mr....

No Trivia


No Trivia: Bon Iver and Danny Brown, down in it

It's fall, so everything's looking real pretty and waiting to die and rightly we've got new albums from Bon Iver—the tenderhearted, oblique "22, A Million," about existential dread—and Danny Brown—the acrid, honest "Atrocity Exhibition," about the destitute loops of addiction. On "22, A Million"...

The Undercard


The Undercard: In the Shadow of American Pharoah

A year ago, the dark gray clouds over Pimlico opened up and unleashed a monsoon, turning the track into a muddy mess. Lightning flashed above, and the infield and stands were ordered to be evacuated. And yet the field of eight horses, including Kentucky Derby winner American Pharoah and the two...

Savage Love


Savage Love: Vulva Va Voom

A question on your favorite topic, Dan. Just kidding, it's a question about my vagina. I'm having a problem with the microbiome of my vulva and vagina. I've been going to my gyno for the last six months for recurrent bacterial vaginosis and yeast infections. She shrugs, gives me a script, the symptoms...



5 Orioles Facts and 5 Orioles Fictions

Fact: Despite all the injuries and inconsistencies, the Orioles are in first place. If you had told me at the beginning of the season that Matt Wieters’ season would end in May, that 88 games into the season, J.J. Hardy would only have two homers, Chris Davis would be flirting with the Mendoza...