Columns

  • Free Will Astrology: 7/20/16

    Free Will Astrology: 7/20/16

    ARIES (March 21-April 19): You now have more luxuriant access to divine luck than you've had in a long time. For the foreseeable future, you could be able to induce semi-miraculous twists of fate that might normally be beyond your capacities. But here's a caveat: The good fortune swirling in your...

  • Free Will Astrology: 7/13/16

    Free Will Astrology: 7/13/16

    ARIES (March 21-April 19): Upcoming adventures might make you more manly if you are a woman. If you are a man, the coming escapades could make you more womanly. How about if you're trans? Odds are that you'll become even more gender fluid. I am exaggerating a bit, of course. The transformations...

  • Hot Fudge Wednesdays: A rat's guide to Artscape

    Hot Fudge Wednesdays: A rat's guide to Artscape

    I gotta say, there's nothing like being a rat in Baltimore, and there's nothing like Artscape to touch a rat where it counts. When I'm not transmitting leptospirosis through my feces, I love to kick back and trash surf with the locals. This will be my second year at Artscape and therefore my last,...

  • Field Tripping: Lewis Museum Redux-ing

    Field Tripping: Lewis Museum Redux-ing

    One of the great things that happens when someone close to you dies is that you find out that a whole bunch of people love you and wish they could make it better, even though everybody knows that's impossible, because the only thing that makes it better is time, and nobody's figured out how to...

  • Savage Love: Scenes from a Marriage

    Savage Love: Scenes from a Marriage

    My wife and I have been married for 14 years and in a committed (I assumed) relationship for 17 years. Sex between us (often kinky) has always been great. We have a wonderful life together and two perfect children. I thought we were good; turns out things were too good to be true. I learned recently...

  • Free Will Astrology: 7/6/16

    Free Will Astrology: 7/6/16

    ARIES (March 21-April 19): Events in the coming week may trick your mind and tweak your heart. They might mess with your messiah complex and wreak havoc on your habits. But I bet they will also energize your muses and add melodic magic to your mysteries. They will slow you down in such a way as...

City Squeeze

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City Squeeze: Long live City Paper

This is my last issue as City Paper's editor. After three years and two months with the paper, I resigned to take a position as director of strategic communications for the Open Society Institute–Baltimore. I'm more proud of the work we've done at City Paper than I am of anything else I've done...

Conflicts of Interest

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Field Tripping

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Field Tripping: Funeraling

I took a big field trip this past week, all the way back to Idaho for my dad's memorial service. He died so unexpectedly at Christmas, hit by a left-turning driver, that none of us were ready to plan that whole funeral thing. My stepmother, an incredibly private person with a husband who was bigger...

Free Will Astrology

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Free Will Astrology: 6/29/16

ARIES (March 21-April 19): During winter, some bears spend months hibernating. Their body temperatures and heart rates drop. They breathe drowsily. Their movements are minimal. Many hummingbirds engage in a similar slow-down—but they do it every single night. By day they are among the most manic...

Hey Cabbie!

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Hey Cabbie: Tired of this shit

Racial issues will be America’s downfall! She has to come to grips with the issue and lean toward equality, by showing it, expressing it, and by all means demonstrating it to the people. Concrete short- and long-term goals and solutions are an absolute must, not lip service, and not the giveaway...

Hot Fudge Wednesdays

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Hot Fudge Wednesdays: Mingling with Complete Strangers 101

Nothing says Spring has Sprang like tulips and gratuitous dating advice, and I'm all out of tulips! As a human person who has been single for longer than one month, I am officially Now An Expert On Being Single and I'm feeling generous with my knowledge, honey! Take advantage of this spontaneous...

It's Gianna Bitch

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It's Gianna Bitch: Disney World makes me sick

Look, I get why the quarterback for the winning team at the Super Bowl yells “I’m going to Disney World” when he’s asked about what he plans to do after his big win. See, Disney World and organized sports are huge corporate entities that create recognizable brands and strong customer loyalty through...

Mr. Wrong

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Mr Wrong: Enjoy the Silence

The Mr. Wrong Column has been Fired from City Paper, Baltimore's Least-Wrong Alternative Weekly. I can't complain, though, seriously, this thing has been running, on and off, since Sept. 30 of The Year Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-Eight, can you believe that? I thank—and you may thank, or blame—Mr....

No Trivia

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The Undercard

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The Undercard: In the Shadow of American Pharoah

A year ago, the dark gray clouds over Pimlico opened up and unleashed a monsoon, turning the track into a muddy mess. Lightning flashed above, and the infield and stands were ordered to be evacuated. And yet the field of eight horses, including Kentucky Derby winner American Pharoah and the two...

Savage Love

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Savage Love: Three Peters

I'm sorry if my English is wrong. I'm writing from Germany, where I am being heartbroken and not knowing how to go on. I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months and slowly falling in love with him. "Peter" has always been very open to me about himself, his failed relationships, and his commitment...

Spitballin'

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5 Orioles Facts and 5 Orioles Fictions

Fact: Despite all the injuries and inconsistencies, the Orioles are in first place. If you had told me at the beginning of the season that Matt Wieters’ season would end in May, that 88 games into the season, J.J. Hardy would only have two homers, Chris Davis would be flirting with the Mendoza...

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