Columns

  • Savage Love: Fantasy Scenarios

    Savage Love: Fantasy Scenarios

    I am a straight married man. My wife and I have a 4-year-old and a 3-month-old. We've just started having intercourse again. For Valentine's Day, we spent the night in a B&B while grandma watched the kids. We had edibles, drank sparkling wine, and then fucked. It was amazing. After we came and...

  • Savage Love: Pair of Aces

    Savage Love: Pair of Aces

    I've been reading your advice column in the Coast in Halifax for a while, and it seems that most solutions to relationship problems revolve around sex. Everyone wants it or needs it, we should fuck before dinner, or we can spice up our sex life in this certain way to be happy. What about someone...

  • Field Tripping: Boner Killing

    Field Tripping: Boner Killing

    It’s the sex issue, and I want to write a column to stay on theme and everything, but I have to say, the Trump administration is a serious boner killer. Nothing kills the mood—for me, anyway—like a guy with absolutely no experience getting an easy nod for HUD Secretary or a plagiarizer who had...

  • Savage Love: Wilbur & Rensselaer

    Savage Love: Wilbur & Rensselaer

    Last week, I spoke at the Wilbur Theater in Boston and the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in Troy, New York. Audience members submitted their questions on tiny cards before the show, allowing them to remain anonymous while forcing them to be succinct. Here are some of the questions I didn't have...

  • Savage Love: Advice Columnists Without Borders

    Savage Love: Advice Columnists Without Borders

    I am a 26-year-old heterosexual European man. I have been for four years in a monogamous relationship with my girlfriend. Recently she cheated on me. When she told me what she did, I felt a very strong pain, even stronger than I expected. After a few days of pain, however, I found that the sexual...

  • Field Tripping: Marching

    Field Tripping: Marching

    As soon as I saw the call going out across my social media for a Women's March on Washington in the wake of the election of Donald Trump, I knew I didn't want to go, and that I had to go. I've been going to marches and rallies for as long as I can remember—toted down to the Capitol Building in...

City Squeeze

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City Squeeze: Long live City Paper

This is my last issue as City Paper's editor. After three years and two months with the paper, I resigned to take a position as director of strategic communications for the Open Society Institute–Baltimore. I'm more proud of the work we've done at City Paper than I am of anything else I've done...

Conflicts of Interest

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Field Tripping

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Field Tripping: Resolutioning

It's a new year, and that of course means a new you, right? Looks like I'm going to be stuck with the same old me, unfortunately, but this past month of field trips has got me thinking about resolutions for 2017. My first December field trip took me to New Orleans to visit old haunts from my time...

Free Will Astrology

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Free Will Astrology: 9/7/16

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Two seven-year-old girls showed me three tricks I could use to avoid taking myself too seriously and getting too attached to my dignity. I'm offering these tricks to you just in time for the letting-go phase of your astrological cycle. Trick #1: Speak in a made-up language...

Hey Cabbie!

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Hey Cabbie: Tired of this shit

Racial issues will be America’s downfall! She has to come to grips with the issue and lean toward equality, by showing it, expressing it, and by all means demonstrating it to the people. Concrete short- and long-term goals and solutions are an absolute must, not lip service, and not the giveaway...

Hot Fudge Wednesdays

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Hot Fudge Wednesdays: A rat's guide to Artscape

I gotta say, there's nothing like being a rat in Baltimore, and there's nothing like Artscape to touch a rat where it counts. When I'm not transmitting leptospirosis through my feces, I love to kick back and trash surf with the locals. This will be my second year at Artscape and therefore my last,...

It's Gianna Bitch

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It's Gianna Bitch: Disney World makes me sick

Look, I get why the quarterback for the winning team at the Super Bowl yells “I’m going to Disney World” when he’s asked about what he plans to do after his big win. See, Disney World and organized sports are huge corporate entities that create recognizable brands and strong customer loyalty through...

Mr. Wrong

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Mr Wrong: Enjoy the Silence

The Mr. Wrong Column has been Fired from City Paper, Baltimore's Least-Wrong Alternative Weekly. I can't complain, though, seriously, this thing has been running, on and off, since Sept. 30 of The Year Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-Eight, can you believe that? I thank—and you may thank, or blame—Mr....

No Trivia

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No Trivia: Everybody knows this is nowhere

A big chunk of Neil Young's discography showed up on Apple Music and Spotify just a few days before Donald Trump's victory and I've been revisiting his noisy, rickety records of rage, rancor, and resignation ever since. There's maybe no musician who better articulates the long game of dissappointment,...

The Undercard

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The Undercard: In the Shadow of American Pharoah

A year ago, the dark gray clouds over Pimlico opened up and unleashed a monsoon, turning the track into a muddy mess. Lightning flashed above, and the infield and stands were ordered to be evacuated. And yet the field of eight horses, including Kentucky Derby winner American Pharoah and the two...

Savage Love

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Savage Love: Risky Business

About a year ago, I was pretending to read my boyfriend's mind and jokingly said, "You want to put it in my ear." Since then, I have seen references to ear sex (aural sex?) everywhere! There's even a holiday ("Take It in the Ear Day" on December 8), and I was reading a book just now in which the...

Spitballin'

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5 Orioles Facts and 5 Orioles Fictions

Fact: Despite all the injuries and inconsistencies, the Orioles are in first place. If you had told me at the beginning of the season that Matt Wieters’ season would end in May, that 88 games into the season, J.J. Hardy would only have two homers, Chris Davis would be flirting with the Mendoza...

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