Scalia's America
Back before we got John Roberts as the nation's newest chief justice of the Supreme Court, it was widely bandied about that Antonin Scalia had a hankering to be elevated to the position. In some ways, it is rather surprising that George W. Bush didn't appease him in this quest, as it would have fulfilled one of the hallmarks of the Bush presidency: an obstinate need to remake reality in the image to which he would like it to conform. By elevating Scalia to chief justice, Bush would have repeate ... [MORE]

Murphy's Choice
Let me be perfectly clear: I don't expect much from Meet Dave. Eddie Murphy is a comedic genius and a box-office legend but his film career, when looked at in totality, is a little dicey. For every Beverly Hills Cop or Nutty Professor, there's one or two films like Haunted Mansion and The Holy Man. Still, I'm happy that Murphy has made a film like Meet Dave, a story about a group of miniature aliens who come to Earth in a spaceship shaped like their captain, because it offers me hope that ther ... [MORE]

My Magic Pants
I have a pair of magic anti-terrorism pants. I bought them from a traveling salesman right after Sept. 11. He told me that as long as I own them, the United States will not be hit by any terrorist attacks. So far, he's been right--we haven't. A lot of people say that it's because of the policies implemented by the Bush administration, but really, I know for sure it's because of my pants. You can't prove otherwise--I still have the pants, and we've had no planes crash into any buildings in New Y ... [MORE]

Must Be Jam
Man, I'm real hungry. Seriously, all I had to eat was two pork chops, all day. No, wait, I had breakfast at a diner, but it wasn't that good, so maybe that's why my stomach forgot about it. It was some eggs (scrambled) and bacon and home fries and rye toast. Why is toasted rye bread almost a special order at some of these diners? Plus, it's not even usually, like a real rye bread, it's some sorta skwushy bread with a coupla seeds in it. And what the fuck is it with some of these cheap-ass dine ... [MORE]

Redefinitions
In my first job in professional radio, I worked as an editor in a news department run by a man who came out of sales. On the side, he recorded advertising spots for a diet firm that was almost ubiquitous on the airwaves in the late 1980s. The catch phrase for the diet, delivered by him with relish was, "It's not a diet--it's a system!" Really, it was just a diet. But the key mechanism of this type of sales is to redefine your product to make it special and different from the glut of other produ ... [MORE]

"Love and Happiness" Is Forever
So, it looks like this summer is actually providing some pretty good music to listen to. I'm digging the new Estelle, Portishead, N.E.R.D., and Roots, but you know what I think is my favorite new joint of all? My favorite album right now is the new Al Green, Lay It Down. I mean, just to save some of my cred and try to slow my descent into Old Cranky Mandom, it is produced by modern-day wunderkinds, Questlove and James Poyser, but to be perfectly honest, the new Al Green sounds exactly like the ... [MORE]

New Day
Barack Obama is three months older than I am. When I was 5, my family packed up the car with me and my older brother, and we drove across the country to meet the family. Down into the South to Little Rock, Ark., we drove. During those days, we kept apple juice bottles in the car for "emergencies." Nobody said anything about it, but I have a feeling that the "emergencies" were because of the concern that some gas station owners might not be all that enlightened about the color-blind country we w ... [MORE]

Let Others Play
Like a lot of Americans, I earn a living, but I could use an little extra cash, you know? OK, maybe just once, a lotta cash, a big fucking score. Just once, man. That's why there's gambling! It's fun! Yeah, I know, "Don't bet with your head, bet over it, so you can win it back," or something like that, is one of those helpful aphorism-type Knowledge statements from Caring People who want to make sure you don't go and bet the house and car and grocery and electricity and college and insulin mon ... [MORE]

Here's The Gag
Since when does the president of the United States have the power to silence people who want to talk? It's fascinating to see the various uses George W. Bush's administration has made of the phrase "executive privilege." So far, at a minimum, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, former Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove, and former presidential counsel Harriet Miers all have flatly ignored subpoenas from the Congress asking them to come in under oath and testify about their knowledge of various ac ... [MORE]

Still The Love of My Life
So, apparently, Puffy went and saw Kanye West perform a couple of weeks ago, and the concert was so good that it inspired the Puffster to, his words now, "fall in love with hip-hop again." We know this because, being Puffy, he's not allowed to do anything without broadcasting it to the world, and he released a video all over the internet proclaiming his transformative moment. All hateration aside, and God knows I've been hating Puffy now for, wow, almost two decades, I have to admit that he ha ... [MORE]

Those Who Were Wrong
Back in 1992, Ross Perot told us we needed someone who could run the country like a business, and since he made millions running a business, he was just the guy to do it. He was an expert, you see. All the experts told us in 2000 that George W. Bush and Dick Cheney were just the people to run the country. They had Donald Rumsfeld and Colin Powell with them--the grownups would be running the country, they said. All the experts told us that Bush could continue to increase the surplus he was hande ... [MORE]

Holiday (Observed)
So my column shoulda ran last week, but there was a "special issue" of Baltimore's Most Weekly Free Alternative, and it was the "Sizzlin' Summer" episode, where there is all kinds of stuff to read about Summer and why it is Good. I certainly coulda contributed to that, because I have opinions on a variety of topics, the Seasons being one of them, or four of them, since I have experienced the Fall, the Winter, the Spring, and the Summer, which is supposed to start on June 20, usually, but it se ... [MORE]